Friday, July 30, 2004

Presumptive No Longer

Last night John Kerry accepted the nomination to be the Democratic candidate for President of the Untied States. Now the real battle begins.

This man of honor and valor, this hero, this intelligent, articulate American activist will use his modest war chest to fight an uphill battle to take our nation back from a crew of sickly, ignorant, stupid, greedy men and women led by Bush and that thug Cheney.

John Kerry will restore dignity and sense to an oval office that has been sullied by a gang of lying thieves whose hands are bloodied with by the deaths of innocent American soldiers and unsuspecting Iraqi and Afghani citizens.

John Kerry can take our country from the spiritual depths to which it has been dragged by George Bush, and begin the process of returning us to the greatness we enjoyed from the end of WWII until the time of Ronald Reagan.

John Kerry can work to stabilize our economy because he will not be tossing our children under enemy tanks for personal profit.

John Kerry can start the process of taking our tax dollars out of the mouths of obese, obscene, avaricious corporations and putting it in the mouths of the hungry and truly needy: America's citizenry.

"America can do better, help is on the way," Kerry has promised.

John Kerry can make complete sentences!

God bless John Kerry!

John Kerry

Capital Games by David Corn

Some Yahoo!

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Soccer Around The World and in the USA

For more than a century and a half, soccer (a/k/a football) has united and divided humanity. A two-week long war between El Salvador and Honduras was instigated by a soccer match in 1969, 2,000 people lost their lives; and there are many instances of opposing, even warring, nations using soccer in an effort to find peace and harmony. An Israeli a team that includes a number of Palestinians has made the cut into the UEFA Champions League this year. Soccer is very important everywhere but in the United States. It is the most important sport in the world. The wealthiest sports companies are not based in the USA, they are European soccer teams.

Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) ranks the national teams each month. There are two hundred and something countries with teams qualified to participate in FIFA events. The United States currently ranks (laughably) ninth in the world. Many suspect that this inflated ranking is provided in hopes of getting the American public (that is, the American male) interested in the sport. Still, the average American ignores the sport.

Manipulating the rankings has never worked and nobody really quite knows why American men hate soccer. Some say it is dull, but it certainly has more action than baseball. Some say it is too slow, but it is much faster than the NFL. Some say there isn't enough scoring, but similar numbers of goals are scored when compared to hockey. It is hard to know why there is such a hegemonist stance against soccer in the States.

I follow the sport quite avidly. I know that I am not an average American sports fan. I am a liberal. I am interested in the arts. I am not homophobic. I think women's college sports should be funded equally to men's. I oppose taxpayer subsidies for stadia. I am open-minded. All of these things make me unlike the average American sports fan. Outside of the Northeast and the West Coast, there are not many sports fans like me and my friends.

I suspect that Americans will never embrace soccer because it just doesn't lend itself to our brand of nationalism and patriotism.

But . . . wait . . .

Yesterday during a court hearing in London about English soldiers abusing Iraqi prisoners, it was learned that "[l]aughing British soldiers tortured Iraqi detainees by beating and kicking them, pouring freezing water on their heads and forcing them to recite names of English and Dutch football (soccer) stars . . ."

Soccer can be used to torture Muslims! This should excite and interest the average American! Just think: next time you have a non-Christian person of color (or anyone you deem to be unpatriotic) held hostage under the guise of national security, you can use the very successful technique of forcing them to recite the names of soccer players as torture! Is there anything more patriotic than that?!?!

It can be fun: tie a hood over their head, connect their genitals to electrical wires and make them pronounce "Ruud vanNistlerooj" properly! If they fail, you can turn on the electricity and toss ice water on them! You'll be a hero and the pride and joy of the Bush administration. You might get your own Fox reality show!

It's sad, I know, but it might be the only thing that could make soccer popular in the United States!

Some Yahoo!


Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Another American Failure

That's right! We Americans have failed again!

George Bush has brought another failure in Afghanistan. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, Doctors Without Borders is pulling-out because they are totally disgusted with the fruitless investigations into the murder of five of their staff.

If relief agencies are pulling out of your rebuilding zone, then you aren't doing a very goof job rebuilding!

That's right, Bush has done in Afghanistan exactly what Reagan and Bush did: arm them then ignore them. No assistance in rebuilding their nation, no guidance about establishing a self-sufficient economy, just a publicity stunt to convince television-watching, high-fructose-corn-syrup-consuming, mindless suburbanites that they are keeping the world safe.

When they vote for Bush this Autumn, I hope they remember that even volunteer doctors are fleeing from his plan!

The world is no safer than it was on September 10, 2001, and probably dramatically more dangerous for Americans than at any other time in our nation's short history.

How will Afghanis get medical care? Do you think the Bush family, Halliburton, Bechtel, or the Saudi royal family is sending help? NO! Medical care in that war zone is harder to get than ever!

Bush has failed in Iraq.

Bush has filed in Afghanistan.

Bush has failed our economy.

Four more years? Probably! But what a sad mess all this has become.

Some Yahoo!

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Quote of the Day - Al Gore

"I'll be candid with you. I had hoped to be back here this week under different circumstances, running for re-election. But you know the old saying: you win some, you lose some. And then there's that little-known third category."

Al Gore, at the 2004 Demcratic National Convention, Boston
(Thanks to Eve for sending it along)

Monday, July 26, 2004

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's cocaine conviction is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Feel free to pass this on.

Remember: Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

Friday, July 23, 2004

Joke - Union Brothel

A dedicated union worker was attending a labor convention in Las Vegas. As you would expect, he decided to check out the nearby brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union shop?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut does the girl get?"

"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this IS a union shop."

"Excellent! Exclaimed the man. "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!!!" he said.

He handed the Madam $100.00, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.

"I'd like her, please," he said excitedly.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then gesturing to an 85 year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here is number one on the list."

Thursday, July 22, 2004

bin Laden Bumper Sticker

Well, the wrong-wing is wrong again!

According to an article in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, a GOP office in that bastion of fascism known as Kentucky is displaying a bumper sticker that reads "Kerry is bin Laden's Man. Bush is Mine."

Are idiot Southern fundamentalists so stupid that they do not know when their statements are the exact opposite of reality?

Bush, and his entire family, and all his friends, are directly connected to Osama bin Laden, his family, their businesses and friends. Next to Henry Kissinger there is nobody in America more connected to the bin Ladens than the Bushes!

This is a simple fact that so directly contradicts this idiotic bumper sticker, it almost seems a waste of keystrokes to refute the philosophical inaccuracies. But, let's spend just a moment doing so!

Did John Kerry allow Saudi jets to fly out of America on September 13, 2001, filled with bin Ladens and other Saudi royalty? No, that was George W. Bush, a long-time friend of the bin Laden family.

Osama bin Laden is one of the elder children of the bin Laden family. His generation of bin Ladens is rather large, there are about forty-odd of them. Osama has taken a slightly different career-track than most of his siblings, but I don't think his scores of siblings, nor his many parents are particularly angry at him for his choices. I mean, they remain one of the wealthiest, most powerful families on the planet, and have retained all their ties with American businesses, charities, institutions of higher learning and government officials, irrespective of the fact that he is responsible for continued attacks on the free world. Nothing this bad boy has done has really prevented them from doing business with George Bush, his family and their friends.

What kind of parents raise children like Osama? What kind of parents raise children like George?

Osama seems to have a dream to unite Muslims against the rest of the world. An impossible task, since most of the Asian and Arab world, including nations that are specifically Muslim, like Iran, Iraq, Egypt, and Saudi Arabia, want nothing to do with terrorism, world anarchy, or religious hegemony outside of their own country.

Organizing all of these different cultures and governments against the West should be an impossibility.

But not for George W. Bush!! In four short years, Bush, his family and their friends have convinced all of the Arab and Asian world to turn their backs on America and if not support, then certainly fail to denounce, Osama and his band of terrorists.

Only one man has ever given Osama what he wants, and that man is George W Bush.

So, when you hear wrong-wingers and fundamentalists say that liberals are the friends of terrorists, just let them know that it is their belovedly fucked-up president and his buddies who have so perfectly empowered Osama; and it is the House of Bush, not the Kerry or Heinz or Edwards or Clinton or Kennedy families that have done decades of business with Osama's family. It is Bush and the likes of Henry Kissinger that have protected, enriched and emboldened Osama, not democrats and liberals.

So, that bumper sticker is almost funny, but it is exactly opposite of the truth.

Bush is bin Laden's friend. Has been for decades and always will be!


The original article from the Minneapolis Star-Tribune is reprinted here without permission and mercy is begged:

LOUISVILLE, Ky. -- A Republican lawmaker says it was inappropriate for a GOP office to display a bumper sticker declaring: "Kerry is bin Laden's Man. Bush is Mine."

Kentucky Rep. Anne Northup said she found out about the stickers over the weekend and doesn't want any more distributed. "What campaigns need to center on, debates need to center on and the party needs to focus on are ideas," she said.

Jefferson County GOP chairman Jack Richardson IV said the stickers were so popular that GOP headquarters ran out Friday. He won't distribute more, but is trying to locate their source for those who want them. "I believe in the question this bumper sticker raises," Richardson said.

Bill Garmer, chairman of the Kentucky Democratic Party, said the sticker equates a decorated Vietnam veteran with Osama bin Laden - "one of the greatest enemies of the United States."

"It goes way over the line," he said.

A spokesman for the Kerry campaign previously called on GOP lawmakers to condemn the sticker, saying it was a "hateful and mean-spirited smear campaign."

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Oh . . . Linda, Linda, Linda . . .

I was a big fan of Governor Jerry Brown (he always smiles and never frowns) and thought it was cute when he got Linda Ronstadt as a rock-star girlfriend. It was adorable.

It's nice that some wealthy rock stars are liberal-leaning, left-leaning, Democrat-voting, thinking people. I am glad that some have the testicular, or in this case ovarian, fortitude to stand-up to evil that lurks in the guise of conservatism.

I was thrilled when Linda Ronstadt got herself fired from a casino in Las Vegas for praising Michael Moore (another really rich guy with left-leaning politics). Not enough left-leaning public figures will speak-up, especially in Vegas where Wayne Newton is the king of flag-waving, militaristic, dyed-hair, girdle-wearing, has-been Republican men.

I was happy that Ronstadt spoke-up . . . until I read this quote from her:
"I keep hoping that if I'm annoying enough to them, they won't hire me back."

If she doesn't want to work there, why is she accepting the gigs? I don't understand this at all, and it makes her look like a friggin' whacko. I find the whole thing very confusing. I like that she is openly praising Moore's film and referring to him as a patriot; but what is she doing working in casinos if she doesn't want to work there? Are times that tough? Are there no other venues for her?


e! Online

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Dear David Bowie,

I read this morning that 'A Reality Tour' grossed $45.4 million from 82 shows that drew 722,158 fans! Remarkable! Well done. I hope this means at least twenty mil for you.

I also read that the kid who died after falling from the light standards at one of the Florida shows had cocaine in his blood. Too bad. Not wise to climb high places when high on, or hungover from, cocaine. Would you agree?

How are you feeling? Are you recuperating well? Any new projects coming?

Dick Mac

P.S.: Why did you sell all of those cool images of your career to Nestle? Were they just being sold to the highest bidder and you'd have accepted the cash from anyone?

Monday, July 19, 2004

Wanted! Criminal Chess Champion

The once-famous, now infamous, Bobby Fischer was arrested in Tokyo late last week after spending more than a decade on the lam.

Fischer has been wanted by US law enforcement officials for 12 years because he committed the heinous crime of playing a chess match in Yugoslavia while an embargo was in effect.

So . . . let me see here:

Henry Kissinger signed a peace treaty with North Vietnam one winter day, and we flattened Hanoi that Christmas Eve; but he was never 'wanted.'

The current American President spirited away on jets over 100 Saudis less than 48 hours after the most heinous attack against America, when there was a total ban on air travel. That group included members of the binLaden family, whose son had organized the attack against us; but this President has never been 'wanted' for that.

Neal Bush stole over a billion dolalrs from the Silverado Savings & Loan while his daddy was Vice-President; but he has never been 'wanted' for that.

Bobby Fischer plays a chess match in Yugoslavia and is now in jail in Tokyo awaiting extridition to the United States for prosecution.

I'm confused!

Some Yahoo!

New York Times

Friday, July 16, 2004

Arthur "Killer" Kane, New York Dolls Bassist, Dead at 55

I became a New York Dolls fan when I was fifteen years old and I bought their self-titled debut album.

The original line-up was: David Johannsen, Johnny Thunders, Syl Sylvain, Arthur Kane, and Billy Murcia. They were often known by the monickers David Doll, Billy Doll, etc. They were wild.

The album, "New York Dolls," had a picture of the five of them cross-dressed and seated on a sofa with a can of Schlitz at their feet. In all the pictures of them in drag, only Killer Kane looked uncomfortable one-hundred-percent of the time. The others took to show biz with the verve and elan you would expect from professionals, but Kane never looked at ease as a drag queen.

The Dolls entire routine was subversive, in all the right ways. Their songs were edgy, their music was fast, their show was provocative. They were the precursors to so much of American rock.

In fact, I will go so far as to say that if it wasn't for the Dolls, you wouldn't have gotten Aerosmith! After all, David Jo's girlfriend of the time was the late Cyrinda Foxe, (who with Bebe Buell, were the East Coast's foremost groupies) and she was quite active in building the Dolls' image through wardrobe, style and appearance. I was watching from a distance as a teenager in Boston and knew nothing about the nuances of creating a band and an image, etc. But, a couple years later I learned that when Foxe left David Jo, she hooked-up with Steven Tyler, lead singer of Aerosmith, whose entire appearance suddenly became less "rock guy" and more "drag queen"! So, Foxe took that drag show sensibility with her from the crumbling Dolls and revitalized it with the up-and-coming Boston band. I see a clear connection, many don't.

Billy Murcia was the first casualty of the Dolls insanity and he died of an overdose during the band's very successful tour of London in 1972.

One of the future rock gods who witnessed the Dolls' tour in London and went on to memorialize them in at least two songs was David Bowie. His song "Time" pays homage to Murcia with the verse:
Time, in Quaaludes and red wine
Demanding Billy Dolls
And other friends of mine
Take your time

Bowie is believed to pay homage to the still-living (even to this day) David Johannsen in the song "Watch That Man" from the same album.

I see a clear connection between the Dolls act and David Bowie's eventual successful inclusion of drag in his act, many don't.

Anyway . . . the Dolls finally split in '75 when Malcolm McLaren's failed management of the band included Maoist imagery and the band dressed like pop communist soldiers. Johannsen and Sylvain continued a Dolls tour through Japan, while Thunders and Kane returned to London with McLaren to take up residency as the first glam-to-punk crossovers.

When McLaren was forming the Sex Pistols, he handed them the two Dolls LPs and told them to learn every note. Any cursory comparison of "Never Mind The Bollocks" and the two Dolls albums will convince the most skeptical critic that the entire Pistols sound was just a copy of the Dolls, and any examination of the drag career of David Bowie's storied climb to success will show that he would have remained a long-haired hippy-type had he never met the Dolls.

So, does this mean that Arthur "Killer" Kane is a godfather of Glam? The godfather of all Punk bass players? Yes!

Without the Dolls and their tours and LPs, music of the seventies would have been very different, and not as exciting. Glam would not have been as glamorous and punk would not have been so punky.

As we mourn the loss of Kane, I wonder if the surviving members of the Sex Pistols, if Malcolm McLaren, if David Bowie, if Steven Tyler and Aerosmith, if any of them will ever acknowledge the important influence Kane and the other Dolls had on their own successful careers.

Godspeed Killer! Rest in peace!

From Billboard Magazine:
New York Dolls bass player dies
Thu 15 July, 2004

By Jonathan Cohen

NEW YORK (Billboard) - New York Dolls bass player Arthur Kane has died in Los Angeles due to complications from leukemia, the pioneering '70s glam rock group's manager has told Kane, who died on Tuesday night, was 55.

The reunited Dolls were fresh off a well-received appearance at Morrissey's Meltdown Festival in London last month and had also opened some of Morrissey's concerts in May in New York. It is unclear if the David Johansen-led group will still perform next month at Little Steven's International Underground Garage Festival in New York.

The Dolls are scheduled to release an album for Morrissey's Attack imprint in September, but no details have been revealed. Johansen is understood to be in Paris and is preparing a statement on the group's future.

Kane is the fourth member of the Dolls to pass away, including guitarist Johnny Thunders, who died of a drug overdose in 1991.


Thursday, July 15, 2004

Joke - Boston Sports Fans

Two boys are playing hockey at the frozen Frog Pond on Boston Common when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it into the dog's collar and twist, breaking the dog's neck and stopping the attack.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal..." he says and starts writing in his notebook.

"But, I'm not a Bruins fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again.

"Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack..." he continues and writes in his notebook.

"I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" The boy said.

"I assumed everyone in Boston was either for the Bruins or the Red Sox. So, what team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:

"Little Bastard from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet."

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Dear David Bowie,

Happy Bastille Day!

I hope you are recovering from your recent surgery. I know that angioplasty is now a rather routine procedure; but, still it must have been scary. Was your family with you in Germany when you came out of surgery? I hope so.

Everyone says you are back in your New York home. I hope that was a comfortable journey. I thought you might rest and recuperate in London, since you were already in Europe and it is so much closer than New York. Wherever you are, I hope you rest well and get back on your feet.

I read a quote where you said you wouldn't be writing any songs about this experience. Even if you write no songs about it, I hope it brings a new edge to your sound. "Reality" didn't have an edge, it was really safe. It was well-produced and marketed; but the songs were missing that Bowie-ness I like. "Reality" was like "hours..." and "Tonight" not like "Scary Monsters" and "Heathen"!

Mediocrity is exhausting. Remember what happened in the 80s? You worked your ass off, and you were completely unfulfilled. You got rich, which is fantastic, and I thought it was the wealth that would allow you to spend the rest of your life being creative and not having to answer to bosses at record labels.

It seems, though, that you tried to move back into the mainstream with "Reality" and the tour and the Hilfiger and Audi endorsements. Are you moving back to the mainstream in an effort to become well-known by the masses? Are you doing these advertisements to get your image into the households of the dull? Or, are you just doing it for money?

You are one of the most famous men on the entire planet, so I don't understand why you would have to move into the middle-of-the-road. You are famous for NOT being in the middle-of-the-road, so why would you go there? I hope it's just for money and that you will go back to being a more creative artist when your bank account reaches a particular number.

I have a Daddy question for you: When your children were infants, did they ever refuse to go to sleep even though they were exhausted and unable to stay awake? I am baffled by this one. My daughter will force herself to stay awake when she is clearly exhausted!

So . . what can we next expect from the world's foremost rock god?

Dick Mac

P.S.: Why did you sell your name to Nestle?

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Four More Years?

I fear that four more years of George W Bush is inevitable. I think that the current regime has plans to steal the next election and their scheme is already in full force.

Pay close attention to warnings and terror alerts. They will increase as election day gets closer.

I suspect the administration will disrupt the Democratic Convention in Boston by issuing false alarms for terror attacks, this will clear-out the convention center and other facilities every single day.

The Dems will be unable to hold a convention, will not be able to nominate a candidate in the usual manner, will look like victims, and the Administration will paint themselves as the saviors of the free world who kept their opponents safe from the evils of terrorism!

The RNC in New York will be shown as a perfect success and will not be interrupted.

As the final election approaches, the bogus Department of Homeland Security will issue so many terror alerts and expose so many 'plots' that the Administration will call-off the election through some form of martial law or some unknown clause in the Patriot Act that none of your elected officials bothered to read before passing (and which none of us has bothered to read).

The Supreme Court will refuse to step-in, because they like this current regime.

The entire nation will be furious at George Bush and his approval rating will plummet to 39%.

It will take the Senate three months to get things back in order.

In the dead of Winter, elections will be held and Bush will win 78% of the votes with a 39% approval rating (irrespective of how many votes were actually cast for him).

Civil liberties and free choice will be so eroded by 2008 that nobody will have the will to participate in what was once the greatest government on Earth.

I hope I'm wrong!


Monday, July 12, 2004

Friday, July 09, 2004

Dick Mac on iTunes?

My penchant for LoFi music is known among family and friends. Those who have had to live with me and listen to scratchy 45s by Nazis Against Fascism or LPs by The Residents or CDs from NNMaddox and Jimmy Haig Experience know all too well.

The last Jimmy Haig release is available at CD Baby (the coolest web-based record store). The Haig release and is titled POEMS FOR GIRLS THAT STRAIGHT UP REJECTED ME. The CD includes a cut with me as guest vocalist.

Imagine my surprise when I learned that a search of Dick Mac at the hated iTunes returns me as a result! Even though I am listed there, I still hate iTunes.

Some links:
The Residents
Nazis Against Fascism
Jimmy Haig Experience

Thursday, July 08, 2004

(alive!) but Busy!

Quite busy these days, but wanted to mention a couple items as food for thought.

John Kerry has hired John Edwards to be his assistant. An excellent choice. Do you think Edwards could be in an Administration role for 16 years?

Kenneth Lay has been indicted. This is good news! I wonder what kind of home a man like that was raised in that makes him think it's alright to be so immoral?

JoeJ got a job.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Joke - ATM Instructions

Of course I know that jokes about "men do things like this and women do things like that" are stereotypical and often innacurate. They are funny, though, because of their sterotypical nature and innacuracies.

Sometimes they make us laugh, so today I offer you this comparison of instructions for women and men who use Drive-Thru cash machines:

Male Instructions:

01. Pull up to ATM
02. Insert card.
03. Enter PIN.
04. Take cash, card and receipt.
05. Drive away.

Female Instructions:

01. Pull up to ATM.
02. Back up and pull forward to get closer.
03. Shut off engine.
04. Put keys in purse.
05. Get out because you're too far from machine.
06. Hunt for card in purse.
07. Insert card.
08. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it.
09. Enter PIN.
10. Study instructions.
11. Hit "cancel".
12. Re-enter correct PIN.
13. Check balance.
14. Look for envelope.
15. Look in purse for pen.
16. Make out deposit slip.
17. Endorse checks.
18. Make deposit.
19. Study instructions.
20. Make cash withdrawal.
21. Get in car.
22. Check makeup.
23. Look for keys.
24. Start car.
25. Check makeup.
26. Start pulling away.
27. Stop.
28. Back up to machine.
29. Get out of car.
30. Take card and receipt.
31. Get back in car.
32. Put card in wallet.
33. Put receipt in checkbook.
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook.
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook.
36. Check makeup.
37. Put car in reverse.
38. Put car in drive.
39. Drive away from machine.
40. Drive 3 miles.
41. Release parking brake.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Remembering Reagan by Kirk

This piece is published without permission, and mercy is begged.

The original can be found at

Please visit and give them your support.


Monday, July 05, 2004

A Patriotic Quote

As we celebrate the Fourth of July holiday and witness the presentation of capitalism as patriotism, I think it's important to remember recent history.

Since World War II, we have not won a war.

Sure, we defeated Panama in a battle for something I have never quite fully understood. I would hope this is not seen as a great success by our military.

We defeated Grenada in a battle for a landing strip we insist was built by the Cubans. Does Grenada even have a military? Whom did we defeat?

We succeeded in re-seating a nearly-fascist government in Kuwait, a country whose laws include apartheid-like separation of privileges based on ethnicity, and we did it in the name of restoring freedom. OK, just so you know, there is no freedom in Kuwait! Never has been! It is a sheikdom! Freedom is not available to anyone who is not part of the Kuwaiti royal family and their close cohorts.

We lost Korea, we lost VietNam, we are not winning Iraq.

Do you ever wonder why this is?

I think I have an answer: the contracting-out of military jobs so our wars can be run by corporations instead of generals. Since the 1950s, we have been selling the most vital military jobs to the lowest bidder, to companies only interested in their profit-margin, not the implementation of freedom or righteousness.

When this trend began, our president was a former general, a military man himself. His name was Dwight Eisenhower, and he said:

"In the counsels of Government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the Military Industrial Complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists, and will persist. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes."

I don't know much about military tactics. I was never in the armed services, nor have I read about or studied the history of war; but I don't think one needs an intimate knowledge of any industry to know that hiring consultants is almost always a bad idea.

Whether re-aligning a workplace or developing a security strategy, consultants are usually paid more than they are worth and rarely, if ever, provide a workable solution to the problem at hand.

When we are talking about life and death and war and battles and billions in taxpayer dollars, I think this inadequacy is more glaring and frighteningly dangerous.

War fought only for the acquisition of resources available on the open market (like the current Iraq war) is immoral, and it is unwinnable when led by corporations whose sole interest is profit, not freedom.

Ladies and gentlemen, we were warned fifty years ago, and we have not heeded the warnings of one of our own generals and presidents; and we have not won a war since. We get bogged down in military quagmires run by CEOs in Houston and Denver and San Diego, and our own military ignored.

Now these people, these CEOs and security consultants, roam the halls of congress and the corridors and back rooms of the White House, dictating policy for one end: personal gain.

How can we trust these consultants? Their jobs are to make money, not protect us! They are in the business of making money, not winning wars!

As long as we are letting private contractors dictate our military strategy, we will lose.

Stop this war.


Friday, July 02, 2004

A Poem - Make The Pie Higher

The following poem is made-up entirely of quotes from the current American President that were arranged by Richard Thompson of the Washington Post.

by George W. Bush

I think we all agree,
the past is over.

This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen
And uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of
the Internet
Become more few?
How many hands
Have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg
of opportunity.
I know that the human being
and the fish
Can coexist.
Families is where our nation
Finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!
Major league.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Web Entertainment

If you are trying to kill some time (which sounds soooo dreadfully dull), then I recommend flying a helicopter online. It's not as much fun as Penguin Bashing, but it's great for office competitions:

Think you can fly a helicopter?