Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Lodger Lodger Lodger

One of my favorite David Bowie records is Lodger. It might be the most-ignored rock album of all time. On top of that, it has a really cool album cover:

It's an album cover that I mimicked for this photo in London, 2002:

And this parody was done by my friend Liz and her copy of Photoshop:

Dick Mac Recommends:

David Bowie

Friday, January 27, 2006

24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, damn motion sickness!"

11. Meow occasionally.

12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

18. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.

Dick Mac Recommends:

The Idiot
Iggy Pop

Bush Explains Medicare Drug Bill

12-23-2005 16:35:14

'I don't really understand. How is it the new plan going to fix the problem?'

Verbatim response, PRESIDENT BUSH:
'Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculated, for example, is on the table. Whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those -- changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be -- or closer delivered to that has been promised. Does that make any sense to you?

It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the -- like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate -- the benefits will rise based upon inflation, supposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those -- if that growth is affected, it will help on the red.'

Thanks to Henry for sending this along.

Dick Mac Recommends:

What's the Matter with Kansas?
Thomas Frank

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Iraqi Invasion: A Text Misadventure

The piece below was posted by Matthew Baldwin at Defective Yeti on January 17, 2006. For those of you old enough to remember, the post is based on the text-based game "Adventure" that we all played on mainframes, then Commodores and other small home computers, in the 70s and 80s.

Iraqi Invasion: A Text Misadventure
Revision 88 / Serial number 54892

Oval Office
You are standing inside a White House, having just been elected to the presidency of the United States. You knew Scalia would pull through for you.

There is a large desk here, along with a few chairs and couches. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall.

What do you want to do now?

You are not able to do that, yet.

Self-reflection is not your strong suit.

It's not that kind of seal.

They are two several chairs arranged around the center of the room, along with two couches. Under one couch you find Clinton's shoes.

You are unable to fill Clinton's shoes.

It is a large, oak desk, with several drawers.

In one drawer you find a bag of pretzels.

I don't think the pretzel would agree with you.

You are not able to do that, yet.

You are not able to do that, yet.

You are on the far right of the political spectrum.
Jesse Helms is here.
John Ashcroft is here.

Radical Right
You are on the extreme right of the political spectrum.
Dick Cheney is here.
Pat Robertson is here.

You are not able to do that, yet.


You are not able to do that, yet.

Your favorablity rating is 58% out of a possible 100%.

Photo Op
You are at a the Emma T. Booker Elementary School, along with a gaggle of obsequious members of the mainstream media.
There is a book here.
There are some children here.

You read "My Pet Goat."

In the distance, terrorists attack the United States.

You continue to read "My Pet Goat."

You continue to read "My Pet Goat."

You continue to read "My Pet Goat."

You fly around aimlessly for a while, then return to the White House.

Oval Office

Who do you want to give the speech to?

You give the speech to the American people.

Your favorablity rating is 84% out of a possible 100%.

You are not able to do that, yet.

You have invaded the nation of Afghanistan, bombing the Taliban nearly out of existence.

Osama Bin Laden, mastermind of the 9/11 attacks, is here.

(Leaving Afghanistan first.)
You are not able to do that, yet.

You are not able to do that, yet.

Such language in a high-class establishment like this!

"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."

"Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof -- the smoking gun -- that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud ..."

"We know that Iraq and the al Qaeda terrorist network share a common enemy -- the United States of America. We know that Iraq and al Qaeda have had high-level contacts that go back a decade. And we know that after September the 11th, Saddam Hussein's regime gleefully celebrated the terrorist attacks on America ..."

"Wilson never worked for the CIA, but his wife, Valerie Plame, is an Agency operative on weapons of mass destruction ... "

You schedule a vote on the Iraq invasion for just before the 2002 midterm elections. As usual, spineless democrats roll over like an SUV taking a sharp corner.

Your plan to invade Iraq now has the backing of the American people and Congress.

You enter the Iraqi capital of Bagdad, having toppled the government and captured the nation's key cities in only 21 days. You can't seem to find the promised throngs of citizens greeting you as liberators, but the footage of the Saddam statue being pulled down looks great on Fox!

Who do you want to give the contracts to?

What kind of contracts do you wish to give to Halliburton?

You give the no-bid contracts to Halliburton.

The situation in Iraq remains unchanged.

The situation in Iraq remains unchanged.

You put on the flightsuit.

"Mission accomplished."

The mission is not accomplished.

The situation in Iraq remains unchanged.

Some insurgents arrive.

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.
There is a small number of insurgents here.

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.
There is a medium number of insurgents here.

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

An election year arrives.

Pat Buchanan is here.
Sean Hannity is here.

Compassionate Conservativism
You are right-of-center on the political spectrum.
John McCain is here.
Joseph Leiberman is here.

You get reelected.

Tom DeLay is here.
Michelle Malkin is here.

Radical Right
Rick Santorum is here.
Ann Coulter is here.

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.
There is a large number of insurgents here.

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.
There is a huge number of insurgents here.

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

The situation in Iraq deteriorates.

Some insurgents arrive.
There is an overwhelming number of insurgents here.

Your favorablity rating is 47% out of a possible 100%.

You are unable to admit mistakes.

You are unable to accept responsibility.

I do not know what you mean by "victory."

Oh, how we wish you would.

Posted on January 17, 2006

Dick Mac Recommends:

Worse Than Watergate
John W. Dean

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Best Headlines of 2005

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenille Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfield (London) Couple Slain: Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Local High School Drop Outs Cut in Half

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetary; Hundreds Dead

Thanks to Diane for sending this along.

Dick Mac Recommends:

The Truth
Al Franken

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Essence Of Capitalism

Left I on the News was voted the Media Blog of the Year (2005) by Press Action. I highly recommend you check-in and keep your left eye on this blog!

My friend Richard sent me a link to this short, but entertaining, entry:

I just listened to anchor Linda Stouffer on CNN Highlight News give the following story (paraphrased). "We all know the essence of capitalism - buy low, sell high. Well, so-and-so bought this old guitar ten years ago for just $30, and, after finding out it was a rare guitar, he just sold it for $47,000. He sold the guitar to pay for a knee operation for his wife." No, Linda, the "buy low, sell high" guitar part of the story wasn't the "essence of capitalism." The "selling your worldly possessions to pay for medical care" part of the story, that was the essence of capitalism.

Originally published December 14, 2005.

Dick Mac Recommends:

What's the Matter with Kansas?
Thomas Frank

Monday, January 23, 2006

The Wicked Pickett

One of the gifts I received for my ninth birthday was a 7" 45rpm Atlantic Records release of Wilson Pickett's "Funky Broadway." It has remains, along with The Esquires' "Get On Up" (which I also received as a gift that day), one of my all-time favorite songs.

Pickett's releases of Mustang Sally, Hey Jude, Sugar Sugar and other hits were remarkable soul music milestones in my life.

Many people thought for years that he was dead and there was a general sense of surprise when he appeared at his Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction.

The loss of Wilson Pickett is a huge loss.

May he rest in peace.

Wilson Pickett dies of heart attack at 64

Soul legend found stardom in 1960s, trouble in later years

Friday, January 20, 2006; Posted: 8:48 a.m. EST (13:48 GMT)

NEW YORK (AP) -- Wilson Pickett, the soul pioneer best known for the fiery hits "Mustang Sally" and "In The Midnight Hour," died of a heart attack Thursday in a Reston, Virginia, hospital, according to his management company. He was 64.

Chris Tuthill of the management company Talent Source said Pickett had been suffering from health problems for the past year. Pickett lived in Ashburn, Virginia.

"He did his part. It was a great ride, a great trip. I loved him and I'm sure he was well-loved, and I just hope that he's given his props," Michael Wilson Pickett, the singer's son, told WRC-TV in Washington after his death.

Pickett -- known as the "Wicked Pickett" -- became a star with his soulful hits in the 1960s. "In the Midnight Hour" made the top 25 on the Billboard pop charts in 1965, and "Mustang Sally" did the same the following year.

"A fellow Detroiter, Wilson Pickett was one of the greatest soul singers of all time," Aretha Franklin said in a statement. "He will absolutely be missed. I am thankful that I got the chance to speak to him not too long ago."

Pickett was defined by his raspy voice and passionate delivery. But the Alabama-born Pickett got his start singing gospel music in church.

After moving to Detroit, Michigan, as a teen, he joined the group the Falcons, which scored the hit "I Found a Love" with Pickett on lead vocals in 1962.

He went solo a year later, and would soon find his greatest success.

Sensuous soul
In 1965, he linked with legendary soul producer Jerry Wexler at the equally legendary soul label Stax Records in Memphis, Tennessee, and recorded one of his greatest hits, "In the Midnight Hour," for Atlantic Records.

A string of hits followed, including "634-5789," "Funky Broadway" and "Mustang Sally." His sensuous soul was in sharp contrast to the genteel soul songs of his Detroit counterparts at Motown Records.

Indeed, Pickett even remade "Hey Jude" (with Duane Allman on guitar) and "Sugar Sugar" in his own style. The latter sounds like a completely different song from the Archies' bubble-gum classic: bolder, gutsier, with a sensuousness that didn't exist in the original.

Roger Friedman, a journalist and friend who featured Pickett in his 2002 documentary on soul greats, "Only the Strong Survive," said Pickett was "really Atlantic's answer to James Brown."

"He wrote his own songs ... he was very, very musically adept, and look at his contribution -- look how many songs of his songs have been covered," Friedman told The Associated Press on Thursday.

As Pickett entered a new decade, he had less success on the charts, but still had a few more hits, including the song "Don't Let The Green Grass Fool You."

"Like all these great legends of R&B, when disco came in, it really impacted their careers," Friedman said. "[But] what Americans don't realize is they have all continued to be incredibly popular in Europe -- every summer, touring Europe to incredible crowds."

Tough times
Still, Pickett suffered through some tough times. In 1991, he was arrested for allegedly yelling death threats while driving a car over the mayor's front lawn in Englewood, New Jersey, and less than a year later was charged with assaulting his girlfriend.

In 1993, he was convicted of drunken driving and sentenced to a year in jail and five years' probation after hitting an 86-year-old man with his car. In 1987, he was given two years' probation and fined $1,000 for carrying a loaded shotgun in his car.

Besides his induction into the Hall of Fame in 1991, he was also given the Pioneer award by the Rhythm and Blues Foundation two years later. He also cast a long shadow and served as a role model in "The Commitments" in 1991, without appearing in the film.

"If I wasn't in show business I don't know what I would have been -- a wanderer or something, you know?" he said in a 2001 interview. "But God blessed me with the talent and the chance. I knocked on enough doors, and this is what I can give myself credit for."

Friedman said he had just spoken to Pickett last week and that he seemed optimistic he would be able to put recent health troubles aside and perform again.

"We had just a great talk," he said. "He really wanted to get back to business."

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Link to CNN story

Dick Mac Recommends:

Wilson Pickett's Greatest Hits
Wilson Pickett

Thursday, January 19, 2006

A Cure For Shyness

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.

Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Thanks to Diane for sending this along.

Dick Mac Recommends:

Jose Canseco

Blow Me Down!

It was a windy day yesterday.

I didn't go out.

I only knew about the wind because the downstairs neighbors' satellite dish cable was tapping incessantly on my window.

Thousands lost power, trucks flipped, people were blown down the streets, and at least two people died during the storm that affected areas from New Jersey to New Hampshire.

I didn't go out. I learned about all that from the Associated Press.

I am on vacation and I am sleeping a lot.

Yesterday, I surfed the web and answered emails and watched "Little Bear" and "Franklin" and listened to Tony Visconti's "Inventory" and played with plastic food and stuffed animals and had coffee with our neighbor and ate three meals and watched Burton Albion lose to Manchester United.

There was so much to do, so I didn't get out.

But I knew it was windy.

I love weather.

But I didn't go out in it yesterday.

High Winds in Northeast Blamed in 2 Deaths
By JIM FITZGERALD, Associated Press Writer
Wed Jan 18, 8:40 PM ET

High winds knocked out power to hundreds of thousands of customers in the Northeast on Wednesday and wreaked havoc for commuters, blowing trees across railroad tracks, overturning tractor-trailers, and making for wild ferry rides.

More than 440,000 homes and businesses lost power, and several airports reported delays of two hours or more. The wind was blamed for at least two deaths when trees fell on cars.

Authorities said a 52-year-old man was killed just north of New York City as he was pulling out of his driveway to go to work, and an 80-year-old Massachusetts woman was killed on Cape Cod as she drove on a road.

Power failures were reported in Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Jersey, the Philadelphia area, New York, Rhode Island, New Hampshire and Maine.

Some customers had their electricity back within hours, while others were told that wind damage to utility poles and wires was so extensive that repairs might take days.

In Maryland, a storm-caused power-outage forced NASA to scrub its launch Wednesday of an unmanned spacecraft on a voyage to Pluto. The power went out at the Maryland lab that is managing operations for the mission.

Gusts exceeded 60 mph around the Boston area early Wednesday afternoon, including an 85 mph gust at an observatory in Milton, south of Boston.

Louise Donase was stuck in traffic on New York's Tappan Zee Bridge, watching as gusts of wind tore the mudflaps from the trucks around her. Then the green tractor-trailer on her right was blown over, right onto her brand new Honda.

"The noise was deafening," she said in an interview at her desk in White Plains, where she works for the Westchester County technology department.

"It came over right onto my car and the SUV in front of me. ... I was afraid the truck would ignite."

Another tractor-trailer flipped on the George Washington Bridge, which connects New Jersey and New York. A fallen tree blocked commuter train traffic between Connecticut to New York's Grand Central Terminal.

And out in the bay, a New York Waterway ferry running from New Jersey to Manhattan met some high seas that reached the passenger deck and prompted a rush for the life preservers.

At Boston's Logan International Airport, incoming flights were delayed more than 2 1/2 hours by the weather at midafternoon, according to the Federal Aviation Administration.

Earlier in the day, departures were delayed an average of one hour and 39 minutes at Newark International Airport and 56 minutes at New York's La Guardia Airport, where winds were gusting at 59 mph, the Port Authority said.

Dick Mac Recommends:

Tony Visconti

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Aircraft Problems

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Thanks to Frank for sending this along!

Dick Mac Recommends:

A Minister, a Priest, and a Rabbi
Al Tapper

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

California Is Safer Now

In America's continued efforts to make the nation safe, Clarence Allen was put to death at San Quentin Prison last night. Does anyone feel safer today for it?

The government has executed a 76-year-old blind wheelchair-bound man. Common stupidity is that by executing one criminal, we will prevent other criminals from committing crimes. This has proven to be utterly false. There is no proof that killing one criminal prevents another criminal from committing crime.

The United States is the only Western democracy that uses capital punishment.

How do you feel about that?
Calif. Executes Oldest Death Row Inmate
By DON THOMPSON, Associated Press Writer

California executed its oldest death row inmate early Tuesday, minutes after his 76th birthday, despite arguments that putting to death an elderly, blind and wheelchair-bound man was cruel and unusual punishment.

Clarence Ray Allen was pronounced dead at 12:38 a.m. at San Quentin State Prison. He became the second-oldest inmate put to death nationally since the Supreme Court allowed capital punishment to resume in 1976.

Allen, who was blind and mostly deaf, suffered from diabetes and had a nearly fatal heart attack in September only to be revived and returned to death row, was assisted into the death chamber by four large correctional officers and lifted out of his wheelchair.

His lawyers had raised two claims never before endorsed by the high court: that executing a frail old man would violate the Constitution's ban on cruel and unusual punishment, and that the 23 years he spent on death row were unconstitutionally cruel as well.

The high court rejected his requests for a stay of execution about 10 hours before he was to be put to death. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger denied Allen clemency Friday.

Allen went to prison for having his teenage son's 17-year-old girlfriend murdered for fear she would tell police about a grocery-store burglary. While behind bars, he tried to have witnesses in the case wiped out, prosecutors said. He was sentenced to death in 1982 for hiring a hit man who killed a witness and two bystanders.

"Allen deserves capital punishment because he was already serving a life sentence for murder when he masterminded the murders of three innocent young people and conspired to attack the heart of our criminal justice system," state prosecutor Ward Campbell said.

Allen expressed his love for family, friends and the other death-row inmates in a final statement read by Warden Steve Ornoski. Allen ended his statement by saying, "It's a good day to die. Thank you very much. I love you all. Goodbye."

The family of one of Allen's victims, Josephine Rocha, issued a statement saying that "justice has prevailed today."

"Mr. Allen abused the justice system with endless appeals until he lived longer in prison than the short 17 years of Josephine's life," the statement said.

Last month in Mississippi, John B. Nixon, 77, became the oldest person executed in the United States since capital punishment resumed. He did not pursue an appeal based on his age.

Allen's case generated less attention than last month's execution of Crips gang co-founder Stanley Tookie Williams, whose case set off a nationwide debate over the possibility of redemption on death row, with Hollywood stars and capital punishment foes arguing that Williams had made amends by writing children's books about the dangers of gangs.

There were only about 200 people gathered outside the prison gates before Allen's execution, about one-tenth of the crowd that came out last month.

Dick Mac Recommends:

Ultimate Punishment
Scott Turow

Monday, January 16, 2006

The War On Terror is Proceeding Well

The American war on terror is going so well that we are now attacking the villages of our allies because we think someone we don't like might be having dinner.

Wow! Our strategy gets better all the time!

Dick Mac Recommends:

Our Endangered Values
Jimmy Carter

Friday, January 06, 2006

Ever Change Your Mind?

A dear friend of mine was interviewed about the fetish world in a European porn magazine. It was very exciting to see and read. She interviews well. She's smart and funny and articulate and charming and glib and wonderful, so none of it surprised me.

I was going to ask her if I could link it here, and then the day got away from me.

Then the little item below arrived from my friend Dave and I was faced by an item-of-the-day conflict. Do I go the porn route or the soft-jazz spirituality route?

It's not an easy debate when you are as physically and mentally ill as me.

It got later and later and later and the time differences made it sorta silly to try to get the needed permission to expose a dear friend as a fetish goddess in a porn mag.

So . . . I changed my mind and just went with this:

01. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

02. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

03. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

04. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

05. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

06. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

07. Believe in love at first sight.

08. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

09. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

11. Don't judge people by their relatives.

12. Talk slowly but think quickly.

13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

17. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

21. Spend some time alone.

Dick Mac Recommends:

Greatest Hits
Don Ho

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Would You Marry Again?

A husband and wife were golfing when the woman asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?"

The man said, "No dear."

The woman said, "I'm sure you would."

So the man said, "Okay, I would"

Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"

And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."

Then the woman asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"

The man replied, "No, she's left handed."

Dick Mac Recommends:

Electric Warrior
T. Rex

Monday, January 02, 2006

Tom Cruise Voted Most Irritating

Empire Magazine readers voted Tom Cruise the most irritating person of 2005. I can't even think of a runner-up. In fact, Cruise might be the most irritating celebrity of my lifetime by far surpassing Greg Allman, Joni Mitchell, Ann Coulter, Peter Max, Paul McCartney, Ace of Base, Barry Bonds, Lance Armstrong, Sir Alex Ferguson, Pope John Paul II, Kia, Tony Blair, Alice Cooper, Freedom Fries, Major League Baseball, Sly Stone, David Spade, and Iman. And that's saying something!

In the past, when repressed (or closeted) homosexuals have erred, they right their wrongs by simply coming-out and being honest with everyone. I have a soft-spot for honesty (I have little patience for the truth, but that's a different article) and I find it easy to forgive an irritating person when they are honest.

Tom Cruise can do nothing to save his reputation. Let's hope that powers in Hollywood will lose his number. Can you imagine the future with no Tom Cruise films? Can you imagine Hollywood with no represseed homosexual Scientologists?

On another note, the readers of Empire Magazine also voted Cruise the greatest actor of all time. The English are so diplomatic!

Tom Cruise Voted Most Irritating Star Of All Time
British Magazine Surveyed 10,000 Movie Fans

LONDON -- Maybe it was jumping on Oprah's couch.

Or perhaps it was his testy interview with Matt Lauer on NBC's "Today" show, or his constant expressions of love for his fiancee, Katie Holmes.

Maybe it was all of those things combined that prompted British movie fans to name Tom Cruise the most irritating actor in Hollywood.

Cruise was found to be more annoying than Jennifer Lopez, Julia Roberts, Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey.

Britain's Empire magazine surveyed 10,000 movie fans.

But while Cruise may annoy them off camera, they still like his movies. They named him the greatest movie star of all time.

Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Dick Mac Recommends:

Our Endangered Values
Jimmy Carter