Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Well, That's Sporting!

by Dick Mac

Long-time cheater, baseball player Alex Rodriguez, is going to hold a press conference today so that he can act contrite and humble.

I will be unconvinced of his contrition and in awe of his testicular fortitude.

The manager of the Yankees, his boss, Joe Girardi, will join him in an effort to save the company's investment. He will also be joined by alleged good-guy, Derek Jeter, who obviously has terrible judgment in human beings because he plans to defend Rodriguez and help polish his deservedly tarnished image.

To add a bit of absurdity to the event, exposed and admitted cheater, Andy Pettite, will also join the assemblage. I assume he will apologize again for being a cheater, making the point that since he's a pretty good guy, after all, and Rodriguez is a pretty good guy, after all, let's let bygones be bygones, so much water under the bridge, kiss and make-up, and just pretend there isn't a problem. They are really sorry, after all!

The testicles on these guys are remarkable! I think they should show us their testicles, because they have to be the biggest testicles in the history of homo sapiens.

Baseball has operated above-the-law for decades, starting with their anti-trust exemption and continuing through their unconstitutional efforts to keep black men out of the sport, right up through this steroids scandal.

Baseball has always been a sport of cheaters and whiners and welfare queens, and nobody has ever done anything about it.

Their pals in mainstream media have no intention of calling them to task, because these reporters enjoy a pretty nice lifestyle rooted in the tax subsidies (welfare payments) that allow baseball to exist. So, we get Peter Gammons slurring away on ESPN about how shocking all of this is, but will he turn his back on this lot? No! He wants the millions he earns promoting this circus.

So, ladies and gentlemen, please focus your attention on the center ring, where members of the most-storied franchise in history will lie through their teeth, spin reality for you, and walk the high-wire of truth with plenty of taxpayer safety nets below them.

Remember when baseball used to be nice? No? You don't? You know why? Because baseball has always been one of the most despicable enterprises in American commerce, and it will show you more of its underbelly later today. (Perhaps you will see their balls! They're huge!)

1 comment:

Mark Rabinowitz said...

Not to split hairs, but if they're using 'roids, their balls will be smaller, not larger.