If you're bored while shopping, or worse: while you are escorting someone who is shopping, try one of these many fascinating ideas to pass the time:
Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
Walk up to an employee and say in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares - STAT!"
Go to the Service Desk and try to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
Set-up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin crying and scream, "Why can't you
people just leave me alone?"
Look right into the security camera and pick your nose.
While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are kept.
Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
In the auto department, practice the "Madonna look" with different sizes of funnels.
Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yell "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume a fetal position and scream "OH NO! IT'S THE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least,
Go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait a while, then yell very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Dick Mac Recommends:
I Am The President / Radio Free Nixon
David Frye
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