Joke - Speeding Tickets

A man is driving home from a party and his wife is in the passenger seat knitting while he navigates the roads, occasionally driving over the speed limit.

A police officer pulls him over for speeding.

The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had the cruise control set at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the radar detector, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Damn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says," Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and screams, "Why don't you please shut-up?"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, ma'am?"

"Oh, heavens no, officer! Only when he's been drinking."

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Thanks to Jim for sending this along!

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