Friday, December 17, 2004

Actual blurbs from church bulletins

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours."

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the BS is done.

Low Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 p.m.: steak, mashed potatoes, beans, bread, and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church. Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday in the recreation hall. Come and watch us kill Christ the King.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire. Bring your own hot dogs and guns.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off. Let the Church help.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. Prayer and medication to follow.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Dick Mac Recommends:
Some Short Stories About
Nasty People I Don't Like

by Mitzel

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