A damned French hen has tripled in price from $15 last year to $45 this year!
And if you off-shore the lords-a-leapin', maids-a-milkin', and ladies dancing you could likely reduce the overall cost significantly. Would anyone with that many maids-a-milkin' notice if half were Pakistani and the other half Indian? The 81 total ladies dancing would cost $39,600; but if off-shored, I'll bet you could get them at a fraction of the price (and probably more scantily-clad).
Pipers piping and drummers drumming will get rather expensive and you might want to just have them parade by the house as opposed to spending the day. Fortunately, the eleven pipers are required for only the two last days and the drumming drummers for only one.
The birds (swans, geese, calling birds, hens, doves and partridges) run about $4,200. Which isn't so bad. Just be grateful there was no mention of a hyacinth macaw!
The cost of fiiiiiiiiiiiiive golden rings is going up as the value of gold increases daily. If you plan to send twenty-five golden rings you better buy them today!
Assuming the twelfth day of Christmas is actually Christmas Day itself, you need to send your true love a partridge in a pear tree today.
You can get a pear tree for under thirty bucks at Nature Hills Nursery
For a partridge, I would go to Harrod's. London is far away, but they have an online shopping site.
Get to work on those turtle doves while you're at it!
Now, everybody, let's sing!
On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.
On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
Happy shopping!
Peace.
Dick Mac Recommends:
The Skystone
by Jack Whyte
The first in the Camulod Chronicles series.
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