More Odd Bedfellows: Howard Stern and Clear Channel

Or maybe not so odd, really!

Today there is a schism between two Republican superstars. Howard Stern, the dullest person ever to grace the airwaves and a self-declared Republican throughout his rise to power, and Clear Channel, the corporation trying to make American entertainment duller than fundamentalist Islam, are mad at each other!

Stern said some 'dirty' stuff on the radio and Clear Channel was fined for airing it. Clear Channel doesn't really worry about the money, but Stern isn't really presenting an image that Clear Channel thinks is good for America.

I want to take Stern's side. I really do. By default, I do take Stern's side, but I do it begrudgingly. I deplore all censorship. I don't like Howard Stern and I hope he suffers terribly from this, because he promotes the mentality that has got him into this quagmire. I wish HE was forced to pay the bogus half-million dollar fine!

Stern has spent his rise to power as a so-called "shock-jock" promoting neo-conservativism while dressing it up with tit-jokes and a sophomoric fascination with lesbianism. I never understood how his dreary homophobia, insensitivity and self-serving deprecation of those around him became so popular. All the time, he bragged about being a Republican.

His wildly popular, if totally boring, radio show attracted a primarily young audience. So, the people giggling at his tit jokes and fag jokes were too young to vote or had recently come of voting age. Stern's presentation of himself as "hip" and "cool" because he was some kind of a bad boy earning millions by talking about women's breasts made him a hero to this group of young men.

What was his advice? Was it "enjoy sex"? Was it "accept sexuality as a good part of the human experience"? Was his message a message of hope for children who felt out of the mainstream? No! He never presented a positive message. His message was that liberals were whiners and that people should vote Republican and he likes tits.

Thankfully, that has backfired. Because Howard Stern has now learned the lesson that others will learn. Republicans want conformity. Republicans want everyone to be white, and white-bread, and corporate, and christian, and quiet.

Stern wanted it both ways, but can't have it. He can't be a tit-giggle-radical and a neo-conservative. There is no real community of tit-giggle-radicals, and the neo-conservative community will have no part of scum like Stern.

Let's take this a step further, to what my friends like to call my over-simplification of our culture's dangerous trend towards total conservatism:

Gay republicans should beware! The neo-cons will take your money and your votes, but the door will be slammed in your face as soon as you want to enjoy the same benefits that heterosexual republicans enjoy: like the Constitution!

Jewish republicans beware! The neo-cons will take your money and your votes, but once you finish helping them make Christianity the official religion of the United States, the door will be slammed in your face.

Black republicans beware! The neo-cons will take your money and your votes, but the door will be slammed in your face as soon as you want the same things white Republicans enjoy: good schools, for example, or a fair shot at keeping your sons off the front lines of military offensives.

Female republicans beware! The neo-cons will take your money and your votes, but the door will be slammed shut in your face as soon as you are unable or unwilling to remain barefoot and pregnant.

Catholic republicans beware! The neo-cons will take your money and your votes, but once you finish helping them pass new abortion laws and laws against homosexuals, the door will be slammed shut in your face.

The neo-conservative movement wants Jews, women, blacks, homosexuals, and Catholics to do their bidding; but if you are not a white, male, heterosexual born-again christian fundamentalist, I don't think the future looks to rosy for you within the Republican party.

So what does all of this have to do with Stern and Clear Channel? Well they have both been promoting neo-conservatism for quite some time now. It's working-out very well for Clear Channel. For Stern? Not so well.

Maybe Stern has nothing to be blamed for here, maybe I should be deploring his victimization; but I can't. He has helped establish this culture of corporate greed and insensitivity, and now he wants to cry "do-over, do-over, do-over" because he has been betrayed by the neo-conservatives he has helped empower.

I hope Stern tosses and turns at night trying to convince himself that proclaiming his republicanism (neo-conservatism) over the years has helped turn an entire generation of young white men into the newest class of hateful Republicans furthering the same neo-conservative movement that is trying to silence Stern himself today.

Howard Stern, SCREW! Go away! Don't come around proclaiming yourself a Democrat or a liberal or an independent now that your plan has backfired. Go hang with Condasleezebag and George W and Jerry Falwell and all the other slime you have been empowering these past years. I hope you never work again not because you are bad, but because you are dull!

Here's a Yahoo article about this situation