Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Defending Same-Sex Marriage

by Dick Mac

I wonder if I will be forced to get gay-married if all the states allow it.

I mean, will they eventually require it?

Will I have to be married to my wife and married to a husband?

If you listen to "conservatives" you will hear that gay-marriage is the end of the world as we know it. Our modern day Sodoms and Gomorrahs, stretching from sea to shining sea, will be over-run with homosexuals forcing heterosexuals to change their sexual orientation and be 'gay'!

Regular people (non-conservatives) know that the gay marriage agenda looks like this:

There is no wild conspiracy to wipe-out religion or interfere with straight peoples' right to divorce.  Straight people will still be allowed to have 72 hour marriages that ensure the sanctity of the institution.  No regular people (gay or straight) want to remove a straight person's right to be married for 72 hours.

Regular people also tend to suspect that when a "conservative" politician or man of the cloth (of any stripe) gets all up-in-arms about the rights of homosexuals, he has generally got a boyfriend or two stashed out-of-town, or goes to the library a lot to pee, or hangs around gymnasiums, just a little more than others.  The list of anti-gay politicians caught (figuratively) with a cock in his mouth is far too long to include here.

The debate about gay marriage has been quite a stage for "conservatives"; but, the debate has also revealed some extraordinary people.  Two of whom are pretty hot!

Brendon Ayanbadejo
Brendon Ayanbadejo, a father of two and a linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens football team, has advocated for same-sex marriage.

According to his wikipedia page:

"He has advocated for the passage of the FIT Kids Act, federal legislation that would require school districts to report on students' physical activity and to give youngsters health and nutritional information. In 2009, Ayanbadejo advocated legalizing same-sex marriage. Ayanbadejo has taken action in support of marriage equality, filming a public service announcement for Marylanders for Marriage Equality in 2011, and donating Ravens tickets to a fundraiser for the same organization."

This, of course, makes "conservatives" crazy.  The last thing "conservatives" need is for really tough, masculine, butch, straight guys to support gay marriage.  "Conservatives" cultivate hatred by encouraging straight men to hate gay men.  Historically, they have been quite successful.

Times change.

Chris Kluwe
Chris Kluwe, a father of one girl, and a punter for the Minnesota Vikings football team, has also publicly advocated for same-sex marriage.

According to his wikipedia page:

"On September 7, 2012 Kluwe released a letter via sports website Deadspin he had sent to Maryland state assembly delegate Emmett Burns, defending the opinions of Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo and sharply criticizing Burns on his attempt to stifle Ayanbadejo's free speech. Ayanbadejo has been a vocal supporter of gay marriage and Burns had sent a letter requesting that the Ravens ownership "inhibit such expressions" by their employee."

Although they are both college-educated, hard-working, fit, attractive, open-minded men, there is no indication that they have joined forces to advocate together or that they are dating.  These are just two extraordinary men, who are kinda hot, too!

I think these two men, these athletes, these really hot straight guys, represent the majority of American citizens.

Of course, there are bigots who have to hate homosexuals.  And make no mistake, they are bigots.  Their discomfort with homosexuality (generally rooted in millenia-old religious writings) is their own personal problem - and bigotry is a personal problem, it might actually be a mental health issue.

And let's be clear:  everyone who opposes the rights of adult, American taxpayers to marry the person they love, is a bigot.  Yes, every single person who opposes gay marriage is a bigot.  There is no half-way here.  You either support the civil rights of your fellow citizens, or you don't.  Those who don't are bigots.

What brought these two kinda hot, heterosexual athletes together was an impressively bigoted and ill-advised letter written by Reverend Emmett C. Burns, Jr., delegate to the Maryland House -- a minister and an elected official.  In his letter, the good Reverend admonished the owner of the Baltimore Ravens, Steve Biscotti, to stifle the opinions of his players, specifically Ayanbadejo.

Yup!  An elected official, who is also a man of the cloth, wrote a letter in which - in black and white - he demanded that a business owner abridge the constitutional rights of his employees.


A few days after the Reverend's attack on the Baltimore Ravens, Chris Kluwe was moved to write an open letter addressing the situation.  I know that "conservatives" will dismiss this letter because of the profanity. You see, profanity is OK when a "conservative" uses it, but is a disgrace when a regular person (a non-conservative) uses it.

Originally published at deadspin, the letter from Kluwe to the Reverend is reprinted here (without permission) for your enjoyment:
Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,

I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):

1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should "inhibit such expressions from your employees," more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person's right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.

2. "Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement." Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who's "deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland"? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you're going to say that political views have "no place in a sport"? I can't even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").

3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis? "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!" Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)

I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?

In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I'm fairly certain you might need it.

Chris Kluwe

P.S. I've also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your "I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing" and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.
I know!  Remarkable!

Having come under such attack from many quarters, the Reverend has retreated (as "conservatives" do) behind his Constitutional rights.  We can only hope he will be defeated in his next election.

I have to say:  Thank you, Reverend Emmett C. Burns, Jr., for opening your mouth, inserting your foot, and bringing these two smart, hard-working, kinda hot straight guys into the spotlight.

I would gay marry these men, if I wasn't already straight married!

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