Mainiac Amour

by Dick Mac

Most rapists, pederasts, syphilitics, murders, thieves, child abusers, liars, tax cheats, felons, and Republicans are heterosexuals. They profess their sexual preference for the opposite sex; and that preference is codified and protected.

Mainiacs have decided that these people are the only ones who should be allowed to marry. That's right, every child-raping straight man has the right to marry his partner.

On the other hand, Mainiacs have decided that hard-working, tax-paying, homosexuals, who are active, upstanding members of their communities may not marry their partners.

This sounds pretty unfair to me.

What's to be done about a community of people who refuse to allow a segment of their population the same rights as the majority?

Nothing.

I encourage everybody to do NOTHING about Maine.

Stop purchasing L.L. Bean and Cole Haan products, cancel your trip to Ogunquit or Old Orchard Beach, buy only Idaho potatoes, scratch lobster off your list, maybe even stop eating blueberries (since they are the state berry of Maine), and make every effort to keep your money away from the Mainiacs who have codified hate and inequality. Perhaps you could stop buying Stephen King books.

I plan to boycott everything Maine, and I hope you will join me.