Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Riding The Subway

The New York Daily News printed an article yesterday about commuting on the subway. Their conclusion is that it can be less than desirable.

My pet peeves on the subway, in no particular order:

Perfume. If you think you smell so bad that you have to wear perfume, then you should take a bath. Throw away the designer perfume. It smells horrible.

That hot, steamy, artificially flavored coffee with lotsa non-dairy creamer and sugar substitute smells like shit. It doesn't even smell like something that should be in your body. Have your coffee at home or at your desk, not on the subway. Idiot!

I can't believe people still buy Avon Skin So Soft. It smells horrible. Try fragrance-free Lubriderm.

Cell phones. Yeah! You! Even that one quick call is annoying. Your husband can wait the additional eight minutes to find out your still not going to blow him, you selfish wench!

Bicycles. You have a friggin' bicycle! Why are you taking the subway three stops on a nice day?

Litter. I always tell people that they've dropped something when they leave something on a seat or on the floor. "Excuse me, sir. You dropped that." "No I didn't." "Well, then you threw it on the floor and you should pick it up." "Why don't you mind your own business?" "It is my business, this is my subway. Pick it up." "Go fuck yourself." "I will, but you should pick up your trash, you fucking pig." At that point the guy (or more often, the woman) either walks to a different part of the train, or people around me join in and he is embarrassed into picking it up. I've picked-up newspapers off a seat and followed a person to give it back to them. I think the reason I haven't been killed is that people think I must be crazy.

You're hungry? Find a restaurant, coffee shop, kitchen, or relatively private space to eat, you pig! You're not Jesus, you weren't born in a barn -- find a place to eat! This is the subway, numbnuts! Don't eat on the subway!

You and your double-wide ass. If your buns weigh over a hundred pounds separate from the rest of your body, your ass isn't going to fit into the 18" space between me and Twiggy. And I did intentionally throw my elbow into your face, even though I apologized and acted as if it was an accident. If you can't keep the weight on your 5'3" frame under three hundred pounds, stand!

Your music sucks. Nobody likes your music and nobody wants to hear it blaring into your ears through cut-rate headphones. Turn the music down.

You are not on a hike. Leave the backpack at home. You are going to work. You need to carry a sandwich, a laptop, a pint of water, a book, and some files. You are not climbing Everest! Get a little shoulder bag or briefcase, put what you need in it, leave the rest of the shit at home, and take it off your stupid shoulder and put it on the floor when you get on the train! What are you? An asshole? Where did you grow-up?

You paid for one seat. You get one seat (even if you have an ass the size of Staten Island). Move your ugly ass into your seat, close your legs, put your 45-pound backpack on your lap and let someone sit in the seat next to you, stupid!

It's a door! Get out of the way. It's a door. Get out of the way. It's a door. Get out of the way. It's a door. Get out of the way. It's a door. Get out of the way.

Anyway . . . The Daily News was much more civil about it. Read on!

Can ya be any ruder?
Monday, September 25th, 2006

They chew like cows, clip their nails and charge open seats like linebackers.
Meet the rudest of the rude subway riders.

The Daily News asked readers last week for their subway bad manners pet peeves — and our e-mail boxes filled up faster than the No. 7 train at rush hour.

There were daily horror stories about door blockers who refuse to move, and sprawlers who spread their legs far too wide, taking up more than one seat.

Even Mayor Bloomberg, who regularly rides the rails, accepted The NewsÂ’ invite to sound off about those who show a total lack of decorum underground.

He trashed litterbugs.

"Why people donÂ’t understand, that subway platform is where we all live ...," he said. "We all need the subways; we pass through it. This is our city. Why they do that, I donÂ’t know."

One reader snapped at "GUM SNAPPERS. These people try to make as much noise as possible. They sound like cows and act like pigs." Others took aim at "pole huggers" who wrap themselves around the floor-to-ceiling poles designed to be used by many standing riders.

In typical New York fashion, Sheree McIntosh of Brooklyn answered a question with a question — or rather, many questions.

"Why is it that with both of my pregnancies I can count on both hands how many times I was offered a seat? Why must people talk and/or sing loudly on the train? Why is it okay to clip your fingernails on the train?"

Several readers clearly needed to vent.

"Where do I begin?" Kate Dudina wrote.

She then rattled off an impressive list of pet peeves, including riders who eat sunflower seeds and spit out the shells, riders who eat "smelly meals" and riders who scream instead of talk at normal levels during subway conversations.

"Clearly, this reader needs a vacation!" Dudina said of herself.

With Michael Saul
Daily News readers tell us their biggest subway pet peeves:

Door blockers!

"Those who stand right in the middle of the doorway when people are trying to get on or off. Or those who start getting on instead of letting people off first. GET OUT OF THE DAMN WAY OR YOU ARE GETTING RUN OVER WHEN I EXIT THE TRAIN."


Seat hogs!

"Grown men not offering seats to elderly, pregnant or to just any female rider in general, in some cases knocking old women to the ground to get a seat. WhatÂ’s up with that?



"While riding the train I have seen passengers throw garbage on the floor for the hell of it. Excuse me, but I am not a pig and we are not your maids. Clean up after yourself. The floors are not receptacles."

Elizabeth Suarez


"People (men and women) who sit with their legs spread ... close the legs."


Gum chewers!!!

"What I hate are ... jerks that pop gum constantly and smack in between the pops. I have to move away from them."

1 comment:

momocat said...

Nose pickers. GET A ROOM!!

Starers. If you see someone you think is cute, nothing wrong with a little look. HOWEVER, if they don't return the look, and even glare at you to try and show how NOT interested they are, and you don't stop, you are a sociopath! If you're too dumb to know the difference between a look and a stare than you're too dumb to ride the train!

Gamers:turn that sound off or put on some headphones. People with ipods etc, if I can hear you music, game etc. then you are destroying your eardrums, which means you're going to be needing to make your music louder which means you will be even more a waste of space than you are now (if that's even possible)!