Conspiracy Theory

(originally published 11 SEP 1996)

Art Imitates Conspiracy, The Tri-Lateral Commission, and The RFK/Solanas/Warholian Connection

Did you know that the original Tri-Lateral Commission was formed by a notorious Republican named Andy Warhol?

Many thought that Valerie Solanas shot him because he stole her manuscript and had her black-balled in the NYC arts community. However, in secret documents recently leaked from the Warhol estate, it is clear that while forming the Tri-Lateral Commission under the guise of a rock and roll band with the code name Velvet Underground, Warhol hired Solanas to kill then presidential-hopeful Robert Kennedy.

Everyone in the highest levels of the Underground knew that Solanas would be in California that July day.

What they didn't know was that Solanas had hired an unknown Greenwich Village performance artist and former beat poet named Sirhan "Baby" Sirhan, to be the trigger-girl at the RFK LA victory celebration.

This left Valerie available to remain in Manhattan and carry out what was the more important political operation of the day: The Shooting of Andy Warhol.

Working for CP-USA presidental hopeful, Gus Hall, Valerie was simply a pawn in a Czech-checkmate.

At this time, Czechoslovakia was under the domination of many Austrian artists, disguised as card-carrying CP members. The Austrian artists, though enamoured of the VU rock and roll band, wanted to have greater influence over European painting and music. The Tri-Lateral Commission, formed to further advance the cause of American Rock (around the clock), was determined to wipe out the Czech angle (listen to the 45 Wipeout backwards for more information). The Czech crew was deeply disturbed by the influence of Warhol's artistic success and the growing importance of Motown music, and what impact that would have on the purity of caucasoid art.

Though Warhol himself was of Czech descent, his Czech mates were not enamoured by his embracing Negro music and Homosexual culture in the USA.

Valerie Solanas listened to Warhol's offer, and after accepting the RFK job, hired Sirhan Baby to carry it out. Valerie remained in Manhattan, and shot Warhol hours before RFK was assassinated.

Solanas and her bosses knew that the RFK job would take the heat off the Warhol shooting by grabbing the headlines and burying any news that might leak to the press.

Solanas' easy access, escape, and ability to dodge law enforcement officials has always loomed large as the missing link tying together the entire Tri-Lateral, Warhol, Solanas, RFK, Czech-Austrian, Sirhan Sirhan, Velvet Underground, art/rock conspiracy.

The missive, now missing from Warhol's estate, states that a then little-known Glam-Rock pre-disco afro-queen known as Princess A.D. was the main squeeze (we used to call them molls) in the Warhol shooting.

Born Angela Davis, Princess A.D. successfully hid her connection to Gus Hall, CP-USA, Czechoslovakia, and Solanas, by working the lower Manhattan commie/fag/junkie circuit as a musician. She stuck mainly to the East Side/Bowery scene, because of her intense hatred of homosexuals.

Princess A.D. was well-known for gun smuggling. She is believed to have supplied the guns used to shoot Malcolm X and John Lennon (not Lenin, on sale again). A.D. was eventually arrested for supplying guns to one Jonathan Jackson, in California, who attacked a courthouse, kidnapping judge, jury, and defendants, and killing them all. Jackson's brother, George, has been connected to a minor American movement within the African-American community known as the Black Panthers. Princess A.D. herself is not connected to that movement, despite her 1962 sexual affair with a married man named, Eldridge Cleaver.

Princess A.D. provided Solanas with the weapon and transportation for the Warhol shooting, and even planted a temporary receptionist at the front desk of The Factory, allowing Solanas easy entry for the job.

For many years, Princess A.D. fronted a temporary employment agency known in urban circles by the monnicker Miss Manpower. Authorities are finding Miss Manpower linked to power outages, fast-food massacres, chicken processing plant fires, schoolhouse false-alarms, rigged Guatamalen elections, bad film reviews, Muscular Dystrophy, art-auction hoaxes, telephone fraud, armored car robberies, the Symbionese Liberation Army, the Lindbergh baby kidnapping, and a host of other less serious offenses.

Solanas never knew Princess A.D. was responsible for the access to Warhol, and the easy escape.

Because of Solanas' failure to kill Warhol, art is suffering.

In the twenty years that followed RFK's death, the Tri-Lateral Commission (though relegated to dealing with the mundane, unimportant issues of arms control and distribution, nuclear power, and global economics) secretly controlled all visual arts, musical recordings, and audio-visual transmissions. And Warhol saw that each policy was carried out.

The only efforts made to fight off the tasteless work of the Tri-Lateral Commission was a federally-funded program aptly named the National Endowment for the Arts. However, in a misguided effort to "save money," the US Congress has slashed the NEA budget in the recent past, and the Tri- Lateral Comission's influence is returning.

Since Warhol's eventual death, in 1987, there has been a resurgence of pig-headed Americanism throughout our culture. The unfortunate election of a Republican majority in the U.S. Congress has given the tasteless a carte blanche to inflict their ideas on unwary citizens.

No one is safe! Write your congress and tell them to restore funding for the NEA before it's too late!

Down with the Tri-Lateral Commission!

Up With People.

Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh, the NEA is gonna win!