Holiday Greetings this New Years' Eve

by Dick Mac

In order to avoid offending the delicate sensibilities of "conservative" and "libertarian" Americans, for whom anything outside their realm of experience is unacceptable, I said "Merry Christmas" this season, as well as "Happy Holidays."

In reality, I have always said "Merry Christmas" and almost never said "Happy Holidays," but I added the latter to my repertoire to be part of this mysterious conspiracy from which I felt excluded. I even bought a box of Happy Holidays cards and wrote Merry Christmas inside!

I was feeling left out because "conservatives" and "libertarians" go on and on about how we all say Happy Holidays. In reality, every Christian I know says Merry Christmas and every non-Christian I know says Happy Holidays, or Shalom. It's always nice. I love this time of year, because people say nice things like that to total strangers, to each other.

Another phrase that "conservatives" and "libertarians" seem perfectly comfortable with, and have added to the lexicon, is "Grab 'em by the pussy." Not one "conservative" or "libertarian" I know has ever said it is unacceptable. They generally say that the author of the phrase only said it once and the liberal media has blown it out of proportion. Clearly it is not their pussies that have been grabbed or promoted for such grabbing. If it was their pussies being grabbed they might have more to say about it. Most conservatives are so hideous, however, that nobody I know wants to touch them, never mind grab their genitals.

I think "Grab 'em by the pussy" (instead of "Happy New Year") should be used by "conservatives" and "libertarians" for the rest of this holiday season, in order to show how supportive they are of the America they are making great again.

Now that's the holiday spirit!

2017 Crushes

by Dick Mac

The day after Christmas, 2017, a Twitter account I follow tweeted about acting on a crush.  It was posted by a person on whom I have a crush and it made me start to think about what this means to me six decades into life.

I looked-up the word, and found these brief definitions:

crush
/krəSH/ n. informal

• a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable . . .
• a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special.
• an intense but usually short-lived infatuation.

Historically, I have taken action, usually flirtatious, when discovering someone with whom I am infatuated.  At this age, however, 'having a crush' on someone seems to be less about the opportunity to pursue a potential romantic interest, and is more a heartening reminder that I have great taste in human beings.

I was once in a conversation about why it is that my friends are all smart or beautiful.  You might say that's a stupid conversation, but I was much younger at the time.  I've learned that smart people are more attractive to me than closed-minded people, stylish people are more attractive to me than pretty people, and pretty people are just prettier than other people.

Yes, I do have crushes, and this is today's top ten list:

Barack Obama, politician.  One of the smartest men on the planet.  There is, apparently, no topic about which he cannot expound.  He's recently started appearing in the media again, and for that I am grateful. @BarackObama

Marcella Arguello, comedian.  The smartest woman in comedy today.  A commanding presence and unparalleled wit, combined with style and great politics.  She can be intimidating, but she is usually right. @marcellacomedy

Bettye LaVette, musician. Stylish, beautiful, and hard-working. A voice that should have been blasting from our speakers for the past 60 years.  If you haven't listened, buy a record now, then buy a concert ticket.  You will not be disappointed. @BettyeLaVette

Khiry Shelton, athlete. One of America's best young soccer players. Hard-working, charming, and handsome.  He got little opportunity to show his skills while playing in New York City, and will be missed now that he was traded to Sporting Kansas City. @KhiryShelton

John Leguizamo, actor.  One of the smartest and funniest men on the planet.  Decades into his career, he remains vital and brilliant, and still looks great. @JohnLeguizamo

Colin Kaepernick, athlete and activist.  Politics, style, and guts can be a recipe for disaster or make for a very attractive person. This guy hasn't wavered and my heart skips a beat as he continues his mission of rightousness amd charity. @Kaepernick7

Chris Hardwick, comedian.  When you watch Chris Hardwick, you can see the brilliance spinning behind his eyes; seemingly always a step or two ahead of the conversation.  And he's sorta cute. @hardwick

Justin Trudeau, politician.  When a man with a mind like his, politics that are so right-on, a smile to make his mother proud, and an ass like his, you know that you've found someone special. @JustinTrudeau

Yuka Honda, musician.  The dissolution of Cibo Matto this year reminded me how much I adore this woman.  A commanding presence on stage, a band leader whose attention to detail is obvious during performance, and now married. @YukaCHonda

Thierry Henry, athlete.  The King of France became the King of Football, in 2017.  He remains incrediibly charming, smart, and easy-on-the-eye.  Those of us fortunate to have watched him play during his career got to see one of the greatest and most creative athletes of our times. @ThierryHenry