My mother became a single-parent in 1963, with four children
between the ages of 0 and 5. My sister
was an infant and I was the oldest. I
remember 1964 and 1965 being very difficult years. We lived in poverty in the
projects. My mother knew nothing about receiving aid from the government, not
that there were many programs that provided support. The church had shunned her
because of her marital decisions and there was no charity coming from them.
One memory has stayed with me: It was evening, the baby was
put to bed and it was dinner time. My
mother explained that we were going to play restaurant. She put on an apron, took
a pad of paper and a pencil, and asked for our orders. She then went to the kitchen
sink, filled three bowls with water, brought them to us with spoons and
announced to each of us that it was our “hotdog” or “burger” or whatever we’d ordered.
She joined us in conversation as we “ate” our bowls of water and when we were
done, she cleared the table and washed the dishes.
One of us said we were still hungry and she apologized and
said the restaurant was closed and it was time to go to bed. We all went to
bed.
Sometime not long after that night, my uncle (her brother) Joe
and a couple of his older kids came by the apartment to check on her. He visited
because he was concerned that our father was going to come back and beat her up
again (and again and again). It was nighttime
and I said I was hungry. She shushed me and told me to go to my room. I whined
that I was hungry and it really irritated my uncle. Some uncomfortable and
confusing words were exchanged, my uncle said “just give the kid something to
eat, Nancy,” and my mother burst out crying, admitting that there was no food
in the house and she didn’t know what to do.
My uncle was furious. Why didn’t she tell him? How long had
this been going on? Voices were raised, but not violently the way it got when
my father was present, just sounds of frustration and anger.
The neighbor across the hall heard the yelling and walked
into the apartment to make sure everyone was safe. She sat down with my uncle
and mother, all the kids went to the bedrooms.
The next day my uncle arrived with a bag of groceries, and did that for a few weeks. Eventually my mother learned about the Surplus Food
Program, and when she could get a ride would go to Egleston Square and collect our allotment of
canned and bulk food, most of which was better quality than you could get at
the supermarket. It said USDA on the packages, which we pronounced Use-Da. We
jokingly referred to is as USED food; and we ate it happily.
Christmas of 1965 is the first Christmas I really remember.
Everyone was sent to bed on Christmas Eve, except me. My mother went to an
apartment upstairs and came down with a big box and told me that Santa Claus
had left this stuff upstairs and she needed my help getting it ready for Christmas
morning. Inside were gifts for all of us. This box of presents was from Globe
Santa, a charity created by the Boston Globe publishers. I remember clearly a
board game titled “The Globe” with the logo of The Boston Globe on the front. I
know there were other toys and games, but that is the one I remember. We had
that game for years.
1965 was our last year of abject poverty. In 1966, my mother
got a job as the bookkeeper of a social service agency created by Lyndon
Johnson’s Great Society poverty programs. We never got Globe Santa again, and
we always had food.
The surplus food program and Globe Santa are the two
programs I remember being so important in my life as a child. I hate hearing
Americans complain about “welfare” because we all have benefited from many
government programs that exist for the middle class and wealthy, but some want to
deny those in need the bare necessities of life. I may complain about the IRS,
but I would never complain about paying taxes. I may complain about the
government, but I would never complain about any money we spend feeding the
hungry, or clothing and housing the homeless. And every Christmas I make a
donation to Globe Santa because they made my life a better life that Christmas,
just as they have for tens of thousands of other children over a half-century.
If you are in a charitable mood, please consider a donation
to Globe Santa: https://globesanta.org/
And stop complaining about poor people. Most of them are
children whose parents are doing their best to get their kids out of poverty.
Charity begins at the moment you choose to be charitable.
Touch Of Evil - Orson Welles, Janet Leigh, Marlene Dietrich
Freaks - Tod Browning
Auntie Mame - Rosalind Russell, Forrest Tucker
Casablanca - Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman
Days Of Wine And Roses - Jack Lemmon, Lee Remick
How To Marry A Millionaire - Lauren Bacall, Marilyn Monroe
Hairspray - Divine, John Waters
Lawrence Of Arabia - Peter O'Toole, Alec Guinness
Airplane! - Lloyd Bridges, Peter Graves
Salo - Pier Paolo Passolini, Paolo Bonacelli
In these days of taking a good hard look at racism in my life, I realize that some of my all-time favorite movies include stereotypes and racist depictions that I know are wrong and make me question how often I overlook racism when it’s inconvenient for me.
I want to watch Auntie Mame, because I think it’s a great story with a good script, good acting, and fantastic production. Then I remember that it glorifies Southern plantation culture by presenting it as polite, bucolic, and hospitable. It is none of these things.
There may have been some kind white people who lived on plantations, but plantations were comfortable, profitable, and “nice” because the plantation owners were slave-owners. They enslaved black people and forced them to grow the crops that were sold for profit, maintain their homes and grounds, cook their food, wait on them hand and foot, clean their clothes, and procreate only to have their children stolen from them and sold at auction. Horrific!
And what about the butler, Ito, a small Asian man in formal attire who talks in the pidgin English that was always used to stereotype and emasculate Asian men in mid-Century culture? His character is not flat or benign, he shows disdain for the horrible characters and adores the fabulous characters. His depth-of-character does not forgive the stereotype.
Does the glorification of plantation culture and the stereotyping of an Asian man make Auntie Mame an unacceptable movie that only has relevance in a historical context? Is it now a movie I should watch with my child and other young people so I can talk about plantation culture and racism? Do I now ignore Mame's anti-racist position when her future in-laws are exposed as anti-Semites, and she finances a home for Jewish refugee children on the land abutting their home? Do I ignore the witty repartee and discussions of sex and social change that were incredibly progressive for 1958?
Ito plays a major role in the scene that makes me weep like a baby each time I watch it? It’s Christmas Eve during the Great Depression. This privileged white woman raising an orphaned nephew with an immigrant staff of an Irish woman and Asian man, is in her massive Manhattan apartment (mansion), broke and worried that she has run out of money. The conversation turns to the butcher and the grocer, both of whom shut her off because she is unable to pay her bills, and the staff proudly displays the stack of bills (all marked paid), announcing that they have used their life-savings to pay off the bills so they can all eat again without nasty looks from the creditors. Again, does giving this character a depth-of-character, a humanness, forgive the stereotyping that made us all feel . . . superior(?) . . . relaxed(?) . . . around his different-ness?
Do I stop watching Auntie Mame and miss that scene I have been watching since I was a boy? As I type this, I do not know.
Two other movies on that list include troubling stereotypes:
Touch Of Evil takes place in Mexico and the depiction of Mexican characters is not progressive or flattering, even though the filmmaker (Orson Welles) was known to be a progressive, and became a public activist for the disenfranchised later in his life. The Mexican characters are depicted as bumbling fools.
Airplane! includes a scene that still makes me laugh inside, but it is totally racist. You know the scene! The actress Barbara Billingsley, famous for playing a white suburban housewife on “Leave It To Beaver,” announces: “Excuse me, stewardess, I speak Jive,” and proceeds to talk to three men in an urban patois that looks and sounds ridiculous. It’s exaggerated to make it funny, and until recently I never heard of anybody being offended by it. I know now that it is racist.
What do we do? Do we stop watching these movies? Do we watch them and then point out the racism when it appears? Maybe I will choose the latter: I will watch it and point out the racism. Am I making them a teaching tool or making me a cop-out?
It was a night between Christmas and New Years, in December, 1976. I was living on Duval Street with my boyfriend, right across the street from Delmonico's. I had been drinking since 1971, and using drugs since 1973, so I had quite a buzz going.
Pre-AIDS Key West was a pretty amazing place: hookers and politicians and rock stars and celebrities and wanna-be hookers and wanna-be politicians and wanna-be rock stars and wanna-be celebrities. I considered myself all of those things.
My boyfriend would have breakfast at the Kress lunch counter so he could see, wave to, and hopefully get to talk to Tennessee Williams, who favored that establishment over Shorty’s, which I liked. He did meet Williams, and they chatted a few times. One late morning, after chores were done and the drinking hadn’t yet started, we were walking up Duval Street and my boyfriend stopped, waved an arm in the air, and called across the street: “Tennessee, this is Richie” and he was pointing at me. I was mortified. Williams was charming, tipped his hat, smiled and continued walking. I didn’t see his eyes actually roll, but as he turned to speak to his companion, I could feel his eyes rolling. My eyes were rolling. Why yell in the streets. Ever?
Other celebrities could be seen around town, and were generally with a handler or manager who would keep people at bay. Generally speaking, though, nobody bothered anybody. You said hello or you didn’t, or you smiled and nodded or you didn’t. People just got on with their business . . . well . . . their fun, really.
I was in my early punk phase: I still had long hair, but I had switched accessories from feathers, scarves and other faggy accouterments to razor blades, safety pins and different faggy accouterments, like spurs. I was 18, pasty white and weighed bout 98 pounds soaking wet. I had empty pockets and expensive tastes, and there is no better time for that combination than when you are 18 and pretty.
There were two “gay bars” but nobody called them that. The Monster, which originated on Fire Island, in New York, had opened a disco; and Delmonico’s was a combination of 70s dance club and 50s cruising bar. It was haunted by young hustlers and older gentlemen. You could drink heavily AND dance AND get a date. I preferred it because it was cheaper than The Monster, the people were nicer, and it was across the street from where I lived.
One amusing feature of Delmonico’s was the face-to-face urinals in the men's room. Was there even a women's room?
One particular night, well, this particular night, I am standing at the urinal taking a leak. I hear someone else arrive, I look up and see Paul Lynde standing face-to-face with me at the other urinal smiling. I did a sort of double-take, and in that Hollywood Squares punch-line voice, and with breath like a distillery, he laughed and said: "I know! Can you believe it's me?"
Hollywood Squares
I'm certain I blinked a few times, hoping it was a dream, and was, for possibly the first time in my life, at a loss for words. So I laughed, and he laughed some more, and I laughed and expected either Peter Marshall or Alan Funt to intervene: "Smile! X gets the square! And you’re on Candid Camera!" Except, I was in a toilet and television shows rarely broadcast from men’s rooms. It was truly surreal. I wasn’t on acid, angel dust, too much refer, or a particularly brutal bender . . . nope . . . it was a drunken Paul Lynde standing across from me in the toilet at Delmonico’s.
A common flirty, bold, ice-breaker, that might lead to a one-night-stand or thirty-year marriage was to stand on your tip-toes to look over that urinal. You couldn’t actually see over to the other side, but it was an effective move. Now Paul Lynde was standing on his tip-toes, pretending to look over the urinal and asking: "What have you got down there?"
We both laughed: him enthusiastically, me nervously.
Anyway, we finished our business and I held back hoping he would go away, but he was nattering on about something - probably himself - and no matter how long I delayed, he was still standing there. After drying my hands, we exited together: he went back to the bar with the old queens and I went back towards the dance floor with the punk queers.
It was one of those 70s dance floors where you'd start dancing with one person and then be dancing with another - not really caring who was there. Suddenly, of course, Paul Lynde was in front of me on the dance floor, dancing. He danced like my father - it was rather hysterical and I did my best to make my laughter seem friendly and not derisive. I’m certain I failed. I was a drunk, alcoholic, 18-year-old punk. All laughter was derisive!
He smiled and shouted over the music: "It's me again!" I smiled and nodded and looked around for friends. He kept talking and talking and dancing like my father, and I couldn’t hear a damned thing he was saying, nor did I care.
I realized he was asking me a question that I couldn't hear, so I sort of leaned forward a bit to make it seem like I was listening. He was yelling over the music and his face was getting red, a bit of spittle flying through the air. I shrugged my shoulders and held my hands palms-up, in that universal sign that says “I can’t hear you.” In this case it meant: “I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU, YOU DIRTY OLD QUEEN, AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING."
Funny how each person interprets gestures differently in a loud club, late at night, with a few drinks under our belts. He interpreted this gesture to mean: Please get very close to me, put your hands on either side of my face, and try to kiss me on the lips.
I squirmed and I suddenly heard him scream. It was loud. You couldn't miss his scream of pain, even over Sylvester!
Dangling from a paper clip in my left ear was a double-edged razor. Schick or Gillette or something. It was old and used. Some people wore razor blade jewelry - well, I just wore razor blades, and he had managed to cut his thumb on one when reaching under my hair to grab my face or neck.
I pushed him away and screamed "DON'T BLEED ON MY CLOTHES!" and found a corner with some friends. He was furious. All my friends laughed. Then many of the old queens laughed as word spread through the bar about the incident. He was rushed back to the manager's office where she put a band-aid on his wound. And he eventually returned to his bar stool.
I wanted to make sure he was OK and walked towards him, but he was scowling at me, so I decided I really didn't care if he was alright. Perhaps he'd get tetanus or something! Who fucking cares? If he’d kept his hands to himself he wouldn’t have cut himself on my jewelry.
The manager came over to our group looked at my earring, laughed and ejected me from the bar. I hadn’t done anything wrong, so she did it very nicely; explaining that I was always welcome back but I should probably just go elsewhere for the rest of the night.
I probably went to The Monster, or a straight biker-club with a good jukebox and pool-table.
I guess he actually went to the hospital that night because his hand was seriously, professionally bandaged the next day. I saw him on the street a number of times. I would always smile and wave. Depending on his level of intoxication he would either smile and wave back or just scowl.
He didn’t get laid. I didn’t get to have a fascinating conversation with him about Hollywood. But I have this memory that I’m glad I shared with you.
Oh, and remind me to tell you about Robin Williams.
Haven't heard from you again for quite awhile. It reminds me that you likely won't be writing to me again; but I hold out hope. Against my own better judgment, I still cling to some romantic and religious notions of people who've fled this mortal coil will magically deliver information to me or others in some paranormal manner. You won't.
Be that as it may, I am in Dublin for your birthday party. As usual, I was awake at stupid o'clock and took a walk in O'Connell Street down to the River Liffey, listening to music and day-dreaming about delicious morsels from Hot Donut (which dream will be reality). "Do The Strand," by Roxy Music and "Irish Rover" by Clancy Brothers & Tommy Makem were highlights of the walk, but as I settled in to write to you, I have the distinct pleasure of listening to Kendrick Lamar singing "For Free." I think he might be the one singer who, since the release of the song "Ziggy Startdust," most successfully makes reference to penis-size sound perfectly sensible and acceptable.
But, I digress. (As I do.)
Yup, KingTommy, PrincessRamsey, Cavebat, and Shakeh and I continued our "Better Living Through Bowienet" lives and flew over from the States to see Holy Holy this Saturday night. The flight was fine (as flights are), and we had some laughs about how bad airline travel has become. Who has time for sailing?
Last Sunday, we were in Philadelphia to see Donny McCaslin and Gail Ann Dorsey (you know them) perform at Ardmore Music Hall. Were we ever there together? I don't think so. It's poorly run, but a great space and amazingly tidy toilets. Almost makes one suspicious: wait, this is a music club, why are the toilets so clean and spacious and well-lit. A weird thing to notice, I know; but sometimes these are the mysteries that explain so much about life, that answer those questions that remain unanswered.
Speaking of unanswered questions . . . on "Young Americans" is it " . . . you and your idol singing falsetto," or " . . . you and your id singing falsetto"? I remember that the original lyric sheet said one thing and you sing another. You see . . . just another one of those nagging questions, like my suspicion of well-lit toilets, that neither matters nor needs actual answering.
Back to this birthday trip: oh, and Happy Birthday, by the way. So we are here in Dublin, staying in a smelly Air BnB in Parnell Street, to see Holy Holy this coming weekend. This means Tony will be here. He and Woody and the rest of the band will arrive Saturday - rumor has it that they are rehearsing in London. We hope to see them before or after the show. We usually talk about you at some point during our visits, and since it's your birthday, I'm certain we will remember kind stories.
What's happened in the past year? What's new there?
Vinyl recordings are selling like crazy. Oddly, vintage vinyl prices have dropped, while new vinyl prices are sky-rocketing. I suspect quality has something to so with it: a vintage Dynaflex copy of "Hunky Dory" barely plays, while the newer Parlophone 180g release sounds gorgeous.
You would have loved the marketing ploys around the 50th Anniversary re-release of "Space Oddity"! They released it in different colo(u)rs of vinyl and people were buying multiple copies of it trying to get this color or that color. It was a good laugh, and yet very exciting when someone posted that they'd gotten the sky-blue-pink version numbered #87457265926.
I finished my collection of all Apple singles released in the United States. Yup. Have them all. Last month I listened to them all in reverse-catalogue-number order, which I think made a George Harrison record first and the Mary Hopkins single second-last. Now, of course, I have to upgrade some of them because they may not be in the best condition. I've learned a lot acquiring this collection. What a fun collection of songs it is. They probably have them wherever you are; I suggest you give the entire catalogue a listen (yes, even the tedious Paul McCartney singles from the mid-70s).
Rodney, in Los Angeles, found me a pristine copy of the "Cold Fact" LP by Rodriguez. You don't want to know how much it costs to get a copy of that record! How come you never told me about Sixto Rodriguez? You know many of us relied on you for music tips. Perhaps you never heard the record, so hunt it down and give it a listen. And watch the documentary about him. You must be totally bored with all the Bowie documentaries that have littered the airwaves. (You know all those stories anyhow.) So, watch "Looking For Sugarman" and let me know what you think of him. Or not. I know you must be busy, doing whatever we do wherever you are.
I moved since I last wrote. Still in Brooklyn. My daughter is 15 now. OMG! Sometimes I find it difficult to accept that she is at the stage of life that requires her to rebel and ignore me and treat me with disdain. My fears tell me that other young women do not behave this way, that YOUR daughter would never be like that, but then I remember it has nothing to do with me, and everybody's 15-year-old behaves exactly as they do.
Still working and I like my job. As soon as I get back to New York, I have to get ready for a business trip. Life is hectic. And good.
Dublin is lovely. You know I never saw you perform here! I was a new-dad when you played here last, and although a bunch of friends traveled to see you here, I couldn't travel at the time.
I've acquired some new art. Brooklyn has a great art scene (like New York used to have), and I think you'd be very excited by it. One Brooklyn artist did a multi-media piece about you that I acquired; another did a piece that I did not acquire. You're pretty big in Brooklyn, at least 5'10" (but like all of us, you're not as thin in Brooklyn as you once were). Remember the Brooklyn Marathon show at St. Ann's Warehouse? OMG! You sang "Bewlay Brothers"! I'll never forget it. We were talking about the Marathon Tour recently.
Well, the morning is getting away from me . . . the others are moving around upstairs (they all sleep so late - the sun's already up).
Tonight we will see a band, and tomorrow night we will see a band, and then Friday night we will see a band, and then Saturday night we will see a band. Maybe I'll report back about the shows, maybe not. Probably not. I will likely forget all the details before I write next.
Today we will take a tour of Dublin and see some architecture and trees and rivers and hills and gardens and stuff. Wish you were joining us.
When you have a moment, open the window and holler down the road to me, like you used to do. I miss that.
It's the end of the year. It's not the end of the decade. Here are some things that happened in 2019, listed with some sarcastic commentary:
Millions of women create a 300 mile 'Women's Wall' across
state of Kerala, India, in support of women's access to the Temple of Sabarimala.
Missy Eliot is the first female rapper to be inducted into
the Songwriter's Hall of Fame.
Marcella Arguello, the smartest, hardest-working comedian on the circuit, releases the best comedy record of the year: The Woke Bully. Believe me, it is THE BEST comedy record of the year, and she is both woke and a bully, and you like it. You know you like it!
Buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/Woke-Bully-Explicit-Marcella-Arguello/dp/B07MVWYN9K
or wherever the fuck you buy shit.
Donald Trump denies he is a Russian agent after NY Times
mentions that the FBI started an investigation of him because of a meeting with
Russian President Vladimir Putin. The lady protests too much, methinks.
Brexit fails then succeeds and now nobody really has any
clue what is actually happening. But two groups of
Brits: the very-wealthy and the very-stupid, are excited about not having a clue what comes next.
A major sandstorm hits Cairo; but, everything is OK because
there is no climate change. Just ask a
stupid person.
New record set for most expensive property in the USA when
an apartment overlooking Central Park sells for $238,000,000. New Yorkers
wonder aloud if parking is included (that might make it worth the price tag).
Argentine footballer Emiliano Sala vanishes when his plane
falls off radar over the English Channel. The wreckage, but no bodies, eventually
found.
Roger Stone is arrested, tried and convicted of seven
felonies for obstructing a congressional inquiry, lying to investigators under
oath, and trying to block the testimony of a witness whose account would have
exposed his lies. All Americans expect that he will be pardoned.
Actor Jussie Smollett suffers a racist and homophobic attack
in Chicago, then is accused of staging the entire thing, and the year ended
with me not knowing or caring what the hell actually happened.
A continuous church service in The Hague lasting 97 days prevented the deportation of Armenian asylum seekers. It ended after Dutch authorities reconsidered their position. Americans still support prison camps and family
separations.
The US withdraws from the Intermediate-range Nuclear Forces
Treaty. Proving that Americans are now
the stupidest people in the world. Well, maybe right behind the Brits.
Australia catches on fire and is still burning.
NFL Champions: New England Patriots
It is discovered that honeybees can perform mathematics, but
we've decided we will wipe them all out anyhow with pesticides and genetically
modified crops. Stupid people win again.
Measles and Mumps make comebacks as successful
killer diseases because stupid people decide they know more about medicine and
science than do physicians and scientists and refuse to inoculate their equally
stupid children. Smart people suffer the consequences.
Sierra Leone President Julius Maada Bio declares national
emergency over rape and sexual assault violence after statistics double.
United States Baptists refuse to let Roman Catholics hog the
spotlight and publicly admit that at least 400 Church leaders sexually abused
at least 700 people. Most people believe they will have to step-up their game
to surpass the Catholic Church as serial abusers of children.
Childish Gambino is the first rapper to win Best Song and
Best Record at the Grammy Awards for his remarkable song and video "This
Is America."
Republic of Macedonia officially changes it name to the
Republic of North Macedonia to appease the South Macedonians, who are actually
known as Greeks. Nobody on the entire planet ever knew or cared that there was a Macedonia in Greece, and nobody was ever confused.
NASA announces that the planet has gotten 5% greener 2000. This is due to China
planting more trees, and increased farming in India. The United States continues to destroy the
planet and makes no significant attempt to help matters.
The Mars rover "Opportunity" mission ended after
15 years due to sand damaging the communications equipment. It is now litter.
Juan Carlos Sánchez Latorre is jailed in Colombia for sexual
abuse of 276 children. In unrelated
news, the Catholic Church continues to operate in Colombia, unimpeded.
Pope Francis defrocks ex-cardinal and archbishop of
Washington Theodore McCarrick for sexually abusing children and adults. McCarrick is the first
Cardinal to be removed for sexual abuse. People believe little more will be
done.
Japanese spacecraft Hayabusa-2 touches down on asteroid
Ryugu to collect rock samples.
The United States continues to privatize its space program and makes no
significant advances in space.
Perry Farrell toured with Kind Heaven Orchestra and released a record. My fave show (which I saw three times in NYC) of 2019.
Robert Kraft, owner of NFL team the New England Patriots,
charged with soliciting prostitution, as part of human-trafficking sting
operation in Jupiter, Florida.
Musician Peter Frampton announces he has a degenerative
muscular disease and his next tour will be his last.
Oscar Winners: Best
Actor Rami Malek, Best Actress Olivia Colman, Best Picture "Green
Book," Best Director Alfonso Cuarón.
Ongoing efforts to prevent brown-skinned people from
migrating to the United States lead to 4,500 complaints of child sexual abuse
reported to US Health Department and 1,300 to the Department of Justice. It appears Conservatives and GOP Brown Shirts
working at the border actually rather like brown-skinned people, the younger
the better.
Vegan meat went mainstream with Impossible Burgers and Beyond Meat. Perfectly fine products for me, and they suffer the same problems of all food in America: it depends where you buy it. Cook an Impossible Burger at home and it can be delicious; order one at a pub and it can taste like cardboard served on toilet paper.
Venice, Italy, is flooding worse than ever before. There is no climate-change. Just
ask a stupid person.
The SpaceX Dragon capsule successfully docks at the
International Space Station. An insignificant aeronautic event, but major breakthrough
for brutal capitalism that has taken charge of the United States space program.
Donald Trump Impeached.
I don't care. Do you?
A second person is "cured" of HIV after stem cell
transplant treatment in London, England. This goes completely unnoticed in the USA where
AIDS prevention is not important because it really only kills homosexuals and
people of color.
Players on the US National Women's (soccer) Team sue for
equal pay, by filing a federal gender discrimination lawsuit against United
States Soccer Federation. They are
correct, of course, but men around the world oppose them because male supremacy
is more important than equality.
Rich people are accused of bribing and cheating to get their
kids into preferred colleges. Nobody
cares. Nobody is surprised. We all thought this is how it was always done
anyhow. Women are imprisoned. Men pretty-much walk away unscathed.
Donald Trump’s campaign chairman Paul Manafort sentenced to
an additional 43 months in jail, on top of the 47 months he received
previously.
California Governor Gavin Newsom announces an indefinite
moratorium on the death sentence in the state, saying it discriminates against
marginalized communities (which is a nice way of saying it is used to kill
black men).
Australian cardinal George Pell is sentenced to 6 years in
prison for sexual abuse in Australia.
Pedophiles across Australia now know they can rape as many children as
they want for decades and serve a very light sentence.
A dead whale has 88 pounds of plastic inside it, including
40 pounds of plastic bags. Nobody does
anything to curb the use of plastics.
Walt Disney acquires Murdoch's 21st Century Fox
entertainment business for $71 billion proving there is not a single decent
thing to expect from the future of telecommunications. World asks for more Star
Wars movies.
There is a terrorist attack in New Zealand and 6 days later,
the nation bans military-style weapons. Americans
ignore this and demand more rights to keep military-grade weapons in their possession.
Special Council Robert S. Mueller finds no evidence
President Trump colluded with Russia in 2016 election. Entire world slaps knee and laughs aloud,
Americans don't even know what it means.
NASA cancels a planned historic all-female spacewalk because
it doesn't have enough spacesuits to fit women, proving there is no plan to be
a viable player in space exploration.
American men don't understand why this is a problem.
Canada is warming at twice the speed of the rest of the
world, with temperatures increasing 2.3% in northern Canada. Smart people realize this is because
they have the hottest prime minister in the world.
NASA states it wants to send astronauts to the Moon again in
2024. Further proving that the United
States hasn't a clue what it's doing beyond propping-up failed economic
theories of supply-side capitalism.
Lori Lightfoot elected first female African American Mayor
of Chicago.
US Mormon church pledges to roll back anti-LGBT policies,
including not baptizing children of gay parents. Nobody notices, nobody cares.
Kathie Lee Gifford leaves NBC's "Today" show after
11 years. Nobody notices, nobody cares.
First-ever photo of a black hole announced, taken by The
Event Horizon Telescope Collaboration in 2017 in galaxy M87, 6.5 billion times
the mass of earth, 55 million light-years away. Americans wonder about photos
of Ben Carson and Clarence Thomas, two of the most important black holes in
history.
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange removed from Ecuadoran embassy
in London and arrested on failure to appear in court on US extradition charges.
Most people believe it's because he's a filthy pig and boorish
asshole that the Ecuadorians couldn't stomach for another minute.
Catholic Pope Benedict XVI claims sexual abuse in the church
caused in part by 1960s sexual revolution, completely ignoring the fact that the
sexual abuse of children has been happening in the church for over 1500
years.
The openly-gay mayor of South Bend, Pete Buttigieg,
announces that he is running for the Democratic Party nomination for US
president.
Boston Marathon Winners: men-Lawrence Cherono of Kenya,
women-Worknesh Degefa of Ethiopia.
The Cathedral of Notre Dame burns. Rich white people promise billions to
rebuild. Billions of people on Earth remain hungry, homeless, and illiterate. No money ever materializes for either. As usual.
Easter Sunday terror attacks on churches and hotels in three
Sri Lankan cities kill at least 253 and injure hundreds. Americans see no
reason to curtail the manufacture of guns. "If those victims had guns," said one stupid person. "They could have defended themselves."
Pope Francis donates $500,000 for migrants stranded in
Mexico trying to reach the US. American
Catholics completely ignore this and continue to support family separations and a closed border.
Hong Kong citizens protest to retain democracy as they prepare to become part of China. They are
fucked. The free world plans to do
nothing because China is such a big market, it is worth it to sacrifice Hong
Kong residents for profits.
Western Civilization's obsession with and promotion of male
supremacy leads to a ruling that South African Olympic champion runner Caster Semenya must chemically modify
her natural testosterone levels so she's more like how a girl is supposed to be. If a girl can beat a boy then something must be wrong! Right?
For the first time all major US beauty pageants are won by women of color;
proving that even women of color can be objectified and demeaned by white men; and they'll like it.
Kentucky Derby Winner: Country House declared winner after Maximum Security disqualified for
interference.
One million plant and animal species are now at risk of
extinction. Americans don't understand why this matters.
Denver, Colorado decriminalizes psilocybin.
Turkey decides to re-run the Istanbul mayoral election, won
by the opposition, until the right candidate wins.
Hackers seize control of the computer system of the City of
Baltimore and demand ransom in Bitcoin.
English Premier League Champions: Manchester City
American diver Victor Vescovo makes the deepest dive ever to
the bottom of the Mariana trench at 10,927m (35,849ft), and finds a plastic bag. The United States takes no action to curtail
use of plastics and American's don't know why it's such a big deal.
San Francisco bans the use of facial recognition technology.
Alabama passes law banning abortion in almost all cases
including rape or incest. American
citizens do nothing about it.
English FA Cup Winner: Manchester City
US billionaire Robert F. Smith announces he will pay off
college loans of nearly 400 students of the graduating class of Morehouse
College. Other American billionaires fight for tax cuts.
More than 170 tornadoes reported in a week in US states of
Missouri, Oklahoma and Iowa, killing seven and causing widespread damage. Americans shrug their shoulders.
Migrant children continue to die at the US border. Americans don't care.
Robert Mueller says his report does not exonerate Donald
Trump. Americans who know how to read didn't actually need this explanation, but most Americans get their information from Fox News, and Fox News always lies.
Two new studies find eating processed foods leads to an
early death and ill health. Americans
have no idea what this means and determine it must be fake news.
UEFA Champions League: Liverpool
Jay-Z named the world's first billionaire rapper. Almost
instantly becomes a right-wing reactionary, demeaning those whose political
concerns interfere with his financial ambitions. Fuck Jay-Z.
Professional gambler James Holzhauer enjoyed a 32-game
winning steak on "Jeopardy"; but he falls just short of beating Ken Jennings’
record $2.52m earnings.
On the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, New York City
Police Commissioner James O’Neill apologizes for his department's actions during
the 1969 raid on the Stonewall Inn.
Tony Awards: "Hadestown" best musical.
Comedian Jon Stewart speaks angrily to Congress about their
failure to finance the 9/11 Victims Fund.
Norway’s Government Pension Fund, worth $1 trillion, drops all fossil fuel investments.
Most people don't know where their personal retirement accounts are
invested.
Stanley Cup Winner: St. Louis Blues
US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo says Iran is responsible
for attacks on oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman.
Nobody on the planet believes him, because he is a liar just like his
boss.
NBA Champions: Toronto Raptors
Swiss women hold a national strike over the country's slow
pace towards equality. Nothing changes.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's wife Sara admits
to misuse of state funds in court. Nothing is done about it. She is a
right-wing Zionist, she can do whatever she wants.
Phoenix police threaten to shoot African American family
after their four-year took a doll from a store.
Nobody is even remotely surprised.
In fact, people are surprised they didn't shoot the 4-year-old because
that's the kind of shit cops do to black people.
70 million people in the world are displaced, are asylum
seekers, or refugees. Europeans and
Americans don't care, they just don't want any more brown-skinned people in
their countries.
Shares for messaging site Slack trade on the Stock Exchange
giving the company a valuation of $19.5 billion. I've never even heard of the site!
San Francisco bans e-cigarettes. Most people know this is a good thing.
Apologists for American capitalism complain it interferes with the free market
right to kill anyone they want.
Highest ever June temperatures recorded in Germany (102F),
Poland (101F), Czech Republic (102F), and France (114F) during week-long
heatwave. Americans, Brits, and other white people continue to believe there is
no climate change.
Japan resumes commercial whaling after a break of more than
30 years (during said 30 years, Japan was actually whaling commercially).
Mad Magazine announces it will stop publishing new material
after 67 years.
Anchorage, Alaska, temperature reaches 90F. Americans
continue believe climate change is a hoax.
FIFA Women's World Cup Winners: United States
Copa América Winners: Brazil
Volkswagen Beetle production ceases after 80 years. SUV
sales at an all-time high. People can't
figure-out why climate change is such a big deal.
Wimbledon: women Simona Halep, men Novak Đoković
A Herington, Kansas police officer wrote the words "fucking pig" on his McDonald's coffee cup, then reported the establishment for the offense. Chief Brian Hornaday initially supported the officer's claims, because that's how the Blue Wall Of Silence operates. Investigation proved the officer actually is a fucking pig who made-up the entire story, but his boss, Chief Fucking Pig Brian Hornaday, concerned only that "this is a black-eye on law enforcement" has decided to protect him further by refusing to release the perpetrator's name. This is how the Blue Wall Of Silence operates: blue lives matter, nobody else matters. What happened to the right-wing lie that all lives matter?
Donald Trump tweets that four women of color "go back
and help fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they
came." Most Americans don't have a problem with this and wonder the same
thing.
Drug cartel leader El Chapo sentenced to life in prison plus
30 years. Americans think it's OK that pharmaceutical companies sell much more
dangerous drugs at higher prices, for bigger profits.
Donald Trump says US could win the war in Afghanistan but he
just doesn't "want to kill 10 million people. If I wanted to win that war,
Afghanistan would be wiped off the face of the earth." Americans believe this, and are OK with their
President saying it.
Boris Johnson chosen as British Prime Minister by the ruling
Conservative Party. Donald Trump has
met his match!
Special Counsel Robert Mueller tells US Senate that Donald
Trump was not exonerated of obstruction of justice, and that Russia did indeed
interfere in US election to benefit Trump. Congress takes no action.
Tour de France Winner: Egan Bernal
Saudi Arabia announces women can travel without a male
guardian's permission. It's 2019.
America still considers Saudi Arabia one of its closest and most
important allies.
White male terrorist shoots and kills 22 and injures 24 at a
Walmart store in El Paso, Texas. He was targeting brown-skinned people.
American's still don't think guns need to be regulated.
Less than 24 hours later, another white guy with a gun kills
nine and injures 27 at a bar in Dayton, Ohio. Americans still don't see any
reason to change the laws about guns.
A quarter of humanity is running out of water with 17
countries under extreme water stress (including parts of the United States).
Nestle still maintains that access to drinking water is not a human right.
Barneys New York files for bankruptcy. Looks like the stores
will close. Old Navy and Gap thrive. Sigh.
Lawyer for 800 boy scouts says there are more than 350 sex
abusers within Boy Scouts of America and "It's the largest pedophile ring
on earth." He is the only lawyer who has never heard of the Catholic
Church.
Largest single-state workplace immigrant raid happens in Mississippi as
nearly 700 people arrested. Most of them are citizens or legal
immigrants and are eventually released without fanfare. No executives of the companies are arrested.
Sex-trafficker Jeffrey Epstein found dead of an apparent
suicide in his jail cell in New York. Most Americans jokingly decide to blame Hillary
Clinton, even though Donald Trump and Prince Andrew are equally logical perpetrators of this suicide.
Stephanie Frappart is the first woman to referee a major
match in a European men's soccer tournament when she officiates the UEFA Super
Cup between Chelsea and Liverpool.
Israel denies US congresswomen entry to Palestine because
they support a boycott of Israel's fascist apartheid policies of genocide.
Americans don't care because they hate all brown-skinned people, too.
Donald Trump announces that he is interested in buying
Greenland for the USA. Every jaw in Denmark drops. Most of the world just
shakes its head in the depressing knowledge that a complete idiot is the leader
of the free world. When the Danish prime minister responds appropriately, Trump
calls her "nasty" and cancels his diplomatic meeting with our
ally. All for the best, because he has
no notion of what diplomacy requires.
NASA confirms mission to Jupiter's ice-covered moon Europa
to search for alien life, to launch in 2025. Everyone wonders which private
corporation is going to profit from this debacle and how much over budget the project will run to ensure profits for the shareholders of the company granted
the contract.
75,000 fires caused by land clearing are burning in the
Amazon rain forest. Nobody questions why capitalists are allowed to destroy the
planet's major source of oxygen for profit by logging and grazing.
Britain's Prince Andrew denies knowing his friend Jeffrey
Epstein was involved in the sex trafficking of girls, then gives an interview
where he makes a total ass of himself and pretty much proves to the world that
he's been raping little girls.
American pharmaceutical company Johnson & Johnson is
ordered to pay the State of Oklahoma $572 million in the first trial against corporate
drug dealers.
Climate activist Greta Thunberg arrives in New York after
sailing across the Atlantic in an emissions-free voyage. White men around the world lose their minds.
Senator Kirsten Gillibrand ends her campaign for president
of the United States. New Yorkers who
know she is an opportunist piece of shit rejoice.
The Great Barrier Reef continues to die and its future
prospects are downgraded to "very poor."
Terrorist kills seven and injures 22 in Odessa, Texas. Americans demand that further protections are
put in place to ensure everyone has the right to own any gun they want.
Hurricane Dorian hits northern Bahamas as a Category Five
storm with winds of 180 mph.
An American chain of department stores announces it will
stop selling handguns, but will still sell bullets, and asks customers not to
carry firearms in their stores. America
is outraged and the company goes silent about the topic.
US Tennis Open: women-Bianca Andreescu, men-Rafael Nadal.
Margaret Atwood publishes "The Testaments," a
follow-up to "The Handmaid's Tale."
Thinking people wonder if it could be used as a blueprint by white men who
are desperately trying to hold onto power.
Guantánamo Bay is the world's most expensive prison, costing
American taxpayers $13 million per prisoner.
Americans still fear Muslims and think that Republicans are
patriots. World looks on in amazement.
Greta Thunberg tells US Congress they are not trying hard
enough. "Sorry." White men lose their minds.
Canadian PM Justin Trudeau wore blackface at a party in
2001. The entire world ignores it and exclaims that he is hot as hell.
Benjamin Netanyahu is elected again to continue the fascist
policies of apartheid supported by Zionists and American capitalists (same
thing?), proving that Israelis are as bad (or as stupid) as Germans in 1930 or
South Africans in 1970. World shakes its
head.
Pennsylvania state Sen. Mike Folmer admitted he was the recipient of child pornography.
Students in 185 countries (including my daughter) hold the
world's largest-ever protest on climate change, it includes a Manhattan rally
led by Greta Thunberg. White men lose their minds.
Batman turns 80.
MLS Champions: Seattle Sounders
Billy Porter becomes the first openly gay actor to win an
Emmy for his work in the series "Pose." The world scratches its
collective head and wonders how it took until 2019.
Donald Trump admits he spoke to the Ukrainian President
about investigating the son of a political opponent. He insists it was legal. Americans believe him. It wasn't legal. It's a crime. He's a criminal.
British travel company Thomas Cook goes bankrupt and strands
more than half-a-million travelers worldwide.
Greta Thunberg addresses UN Climate Action Summit in New
York and asks "How dare you?"
White men lose their minds.
Representative Nancy Pelosi leads Congress into the
impeachment of Donald Trump for attempting to enlist a foreign power for his
own political gain (which he admits).
World rolls eyes.
The body of Spanish fascist Francisco Franco is removed from
a state mausoleum and shipped to a family plot in a municipal cemetery. World smiles and nods its head.
A 315 billion-ton iceberg falls off the Amery ice shelf in
Antarctica. The world ignores it.
China celebrates 70th anniversary of Communism.
Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte announces he has
Myasthenia Gravis. World prays for his long, slow, painful death.
Montgomery, Alabama, elects Steven Reed a black mayor.
Entire world is shocked.
Donald Trump pulls US troops from Syria. Turkey embraces
this decision and steps-up its genocide of Kurds.
American Simone Biles becomes the most successful gymnast in
history when she wins a 25th medal.
Margaret Atwood is embarrassingly awarded half the Booker
Prize for "The Testaments," denying full recognition to Bernardine
Evaristo as the first black woman to win for "Girl, Woman, Other."
Atwood seems to be the only person concerned about this, as the world ignores
the blatant racism.
Spain jails nine Catalan separatist leaders for Sedition
because of the 2017 independence referendum. Barcelona erupts in violence.
Madrid snickers under its breath. World looks on with a confused look on its
face.
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson announces a new Brexit deal,
this time selling-out Northern Ireland. Stupid English people think everything
is going to be great. Scotland and Ireland realize they are in bed with a
nation of idiots.
Justin Trudeau's Liberal Party loses majority but wins most
seats and is allowed to form a minority government. World's collective erection remains
intact.
Russia and Turkey agree deal to jointly destroy the former
Kurdish territory in Northern Syria. World still isn't certain if this is
genocide. Smart people mention Armenia. Stupid people ask: what is genocide?
Twitter announces it will no longer take political ads.
MLB Champions: Houston Astros
Queen Elizabeth II announces she will no longer acquire
clothes made with real fur.
The Sumatran Rhino is declared officially extinct when the
last known specimen dies of cancer
Louis Vuitton (LVMH) buys jeweler Tiffany. World hopes that LVMH stays out of the drinking-water
business.
NATO turns 70. Queen Elizabeth hosts a celebration. World
shocked that Donald Trump hasn't already destroyed the alliance.
Climate activist Greta Thunberg is named Time magazine's
Person of the Year. White men lose their minds.
Brits point out, and seem shocked, that there is Antisemitism on the Left. The rest of the world points out that the sky is blue and the ocean is deep.
The British election is won by the Conservative Party making Boris
Johnson the Prime Minister. The Scottish National Party wins 48 of 59 seats in
Scotland. It seems that the United Kingdom will be fracturing.
I define a mass shooting as when more than 2 people are shot
and at least one person dies in the incident.
As of December 26, 2019, there were 233 mass shootings, killing 514 and
injuring 775, for a total of 1,289 casualties.
This does not include non-mass shootings. Tens of thousands (more than 30,000) in the United
States were killed in shootings that are not considered "mass
shootings."
The United States announced the lowest population growth-rate in its history. This is not good for a successful economy or a powerful nation. Statistically, this is directly correlated to diminished immigration, which has historically been an important dynamic in the growth of the country. Stupid people either ignore this or shrug their shoulders because they do not understand the implications of this and continue to support xenophobic policies of restricting the international movement of non-white refugees and migrants.
Deaths in 2019 that I deem notable (listed by age):
