by Dick Mac
OK, I wasn't going to say anything about this, but I can't stop thinking about it, so I have to write it down.
Raise your hand if you know any American-born Asians from Queens.
How about any Asian Americans from anywhere in the United States?
I have a few friends born in Queens who are of Asian descent. I have nephews who are of Chinese heritage. None of them speak with a Pidgin English accent. When they speak, all of them sound like they are from the neighborhood in which they live. Each, of course, has their own affectations (as we do), but none of them sound like dubbed voices from early-1970s kung-fu movies. None of them. Not a single one.
Imagine my surprise while sitting in the sweltering Shed, at Hudson Yards, watching the beginning of Dragon Spring Phoenix Rise to hear first an African American actor (a black guy), then a European American actor (a white guy) speak in halting faux Chinese-Hollywood accents.
Promoted as "A kung-fu musical co-conceived by Chen Shi-Zheng and Kung Fu Panda’s Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger, with songs by Sia and choreography by Akram Khan," I had high hopes. Sounds amazing! Right?!?!?!?
Although I like to think I am sensitive to, and part of, the ever-growing movement to embrace the differences of American culture, I hardly think of myself as "politically correct." I take no bullshit from bigots, but I pay attention to my own use of pronouns, race-based dialog, cultural imperatives, and other social dynamics. I don't care what anybody else does (unless they ask me), because it's hard enough to learn right from wrong myself, and I leave it to others to blaze that path on their own. None of this is about political correctness, it's about being totally fucking baffled.
A pidgin English accent? Really? Do American actors have to speak in halting, abbreviated sentences for any of us to know we are watching a show about Asian culture?
The story is a simple one: family honor and tradition, children rebelling, avarice, violence, the now-very-popular brother and sister making out because they do not know they are siblings. Pretty standard Hollywood stuff. You will not lose the plot line. Good luck, however, trying to figure out how the mother is supposed to have died while randomly convulsing on the stage, even though she is a totally fit twenty-something martial artist.
The choreography is a sort of "Sharks Versus Jets Takes Tina Landon on a Date" debacle. In fact, the choreographer would have done the show a favor if he simply copied the classic New York dance routines of West Side Story and saved the faux-Tina Landon attempts for the bar scenes. Instead, its a mishmash of embarrassing foolishness. I always fear that I look this ridiculous on the dance floor!
I've been going to NYC clubs for a few decades . . . OK . . . many decades . . . and I've seen everything from total nudity to formal attire (including actual real-life royalty dressed impeccably and actual real-life queens dressed in the finery of angels). Never have I seen anyone wear a bright orange swimsuit-style outfit with a sheer wrap. Perhaps I've seen something like this worn as camp, but maybe not. And it is possible that young women born in Flushing who can't speak American English wear outfits like this to nightclubs. I guess it's possible and I am totally off-the-mark.Regarding costumes, at least the teams of faux-Sharks and faux-Jets wore garments reminiscent of kung-fu movies, so there was something resembling authenticity in that costuming.
The choreography could have been fun and exciting, like choreographed battles in old kung-fu movies, but instead it was more like Broadway musicals. Some of the dancers were incredible (not the lead characters), but the "dances" they danced were unimpressive. In particular, the attempted Rockettes-style line in the first act was nowhere near as good as the dancing school recitals I attended when my daughter was 6-years-old.
The nightclub costuming and choreography in the second act were so embarrassing that I had to laugh quietly to myself. Even at the height of mid-80s new wave camp nobody dressed like this, and even on a Janet Jackson tour nobody dances like this.
The Sia songs are very good.
The songs performed like standard Broadway duets were unremarkable. Nothing to say about them one way or another. Think "Somewhere" from the aforementioned "West Side Story" just not done as well. (I apologize for repeat references to West Side Story, but they should really have seen it before attempting this.)
What this show could have used was a book written by (or at least approved by) RZA and choreography by the actual Tina Landon.
I thought hopefully that some of the show's shortcomings might be worked out as the run progresses. Come to find out, the show is nearing the end of its run, so all the improvements have been made.
It might get two stars out of five, but the venue itself is such a toilet that it barely gets one star. The Shed is a great idea, and perhaps they will figure out how to use it; but it's just room after room of wasted space with poor access to facilities and refreshments, bad ventilation, and poorly installed seating. It's almost as if someone held a meeting and said: "We have unlimited funds and need to design a performance space, so let's hire someone who knows nothing about designing performance spaces." OK, that's an exaggeration! The Shed is nowhere near that nice.
If you watch the one-minute teaser at the link above, you will save yourself money and time and will see the best that the show has to offer (none of the video shows anything that happens on the stage).
Want some kung-fu homage with a New York connection? Try: The Man With the Iron Fists, which got a 5.1/C+ rating but is leaps and bounds more fun than Dragon Spring Phoenix Rise!
